Of 640 people who jumped in Lk Sammamish with the intent of doing a triathlon on Saturday, I crossed the finish line 632nd.
How that makes me dead last? 633-640 were DNF. The worst possible result in a triathlon. Did Not Finish.
There were reasons for this. Not excuses, but reasons. (For the difference, see my feelings on guilt vs regret)
First and foremost, I had not trained significantly in 3 weeks. And by that I mean, since my Aug 1 tri, I did one open water swim, one pool swim, and like wan like 3 times. That includes twice with my 5 k group. And didn't get on my bike at all.
The reasons for the lack of training are good ones. Father in law in a coma for a week. Father in law passes away and I have to help only child hubby deal with (or avoid dealing with) the fall out. The cold from hell. Which did it's usual path for me and spent a few days in my head before settling in my chest & making me sound like Lauren Bacall.
The last one was the one the did the most damage this weekend. I started out, pre-race, feeling pretty good. My hubby asked me the night before if I really wanted to do it, since I still sounded like I was hacking up pieces of lung, but I felt like that would be wimping out. I took my inhaler, and cold meds, and there was a slight drizzle, but hey, who cares about rain when you're swimming, right?
I was a little nervous when I got in the water, but felt that way the 1st time, so didn't think anything of it. Things went significantly down hill from there. I had several friends doing this event, so I had people to talk to as we waited. We were waiting for the pre-race meeting that we never heard happen. (This would be important later)
Things were running late, but no big deal. We waded out into the water at 7:28a and got the start. About 75 meters in to the 1/4 mile swim, I tried to hydrate myself by inhaling a large amount of water. I coughed for a min, and never was able to catch my breath again. At this point, the spirit was willing, but my lungs were not. I treaded water, backstroked and doggie paddled for 1/4 of a mile. The kayak support offered to help, but I didn't take it. I was going to swim under my own power, but every time I tried to take a full crawl stroke, I had a coughing fit. So after what felt like an hour (but was actually around 18 min) I got out and walked up the beach. Only to find that you had to jump up like a foot, with no stairs. WTF?
Transition went OK. It was really raining by then, but as I was all wet, didn't really worry about it. Wetsuit off, racebelt skirt on, wet socks, wet shoes, pink sleeves, 15 year old gloves, helmet. Just over 4 min.
I was just getting out onto the course when the very first men started to come back from the bike. I heard some rubbing on my front tire, but wasn't able to figure out what it was before the race, so didn't get off to mess with it. As we were leaving, my husband told me that it was my brake rubbing. THE WHOLE 13+ MILES. This course was harder, the roads were open, and it was a slight uphill the whole way out- with a pretty big hill just before the turn around.
The bike was hard. I hadn't ridden a bike outside in the rain since college. Why would I? At one point, it rained hard enough that I was soaked all over. I was coughing up lots of phlegm, and decided that I was over being ladylike. Lots of spitting. It was icky.
It likely didn't help that my elderly mountain bike was working against me with the maladjusted brake. Then again, I have to take the tire off to get it in my car- so that was my fault. This was almost an hour and 20 min. My husband thinks that 10-15 min of that was caused by the brake drag.
The second transition was where I lost it. At every point until this, my spirit has been stronger than my body. My determination was more than my lungs. But as I rode in, people were leaving. If you're a decent triathlete, 1:45 is an easy time to hit. As I walked my bike to my spot, I had to dodge around families and eating people. I knew I wasn't last in on the bike since I didn't have a motorcycle escort, but still, it was discouraging. I was frustrated, but I kissed my kid, and looked around for the run out.
I went back over where the bike out was, where the people were coming in, and couldn't find it. I asked someone, and the pointed all the way back by the lake, the other side of transition. With all of the people "helping" saying, "you go!" none of them could say- "you go- THAT WAY"???
I was tired, wet, dirty, and completely lost it. Panic Attack. Gasping for breath. And fighting tears. I was SO frustrated, so angry, and above all else, mad at myself, because I wanted to do better this time.
There were a couple of areas that were poorly marked. At one point I took a wrong turn. But the one thing I never did is stop. I got passed. I got mad. I ran (a tiny bit). I walked. I told the photographer to leave me alone as I left transition crying. I got ahead of my son as he walked alongside me, and I had the chorus of Madonna's "Can't Stop" running over and over in my head. I didn't stop.
One reason I decided to do triathlons is because I didn't want to do just one sport and be really slow. Somehow, I felt like it was more OK to be slow at three sports. Yes, I realize that if you've never done one, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but if you've been there, you know what I mean. I don't have to win. I just have to finish.
I also was hoping to be an example for my son. He doesn't just see me as pudgy Mommy reading all of the time, but as active Mommy, wunning, riding my bike. But Saturday, I think I showed him a bigger lesson. One I learned about myself some time Saturday afternoon.
There was no way I was going to come in first in the race. Hell, for me, it's not much of a race. It's an event. Most of my life, if I couldn't win, I wouldn't compete. But this is my new thing. It's all about the effort. And never ever giving up.
So on Saturday morning, that's what I taught my son. The time is not important. The destination is only important in that it's the end. I can hate every step of the way, it's not even about the journey. It's all about my willingness to take the journey. It's all about doing MY best. And trying to get better.
Hell, there was only one person who was first. And one who was last. And I'm ok with that.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Guilt vs Regret
I've always made a point of living my life with out regrets. I'm not sure where I am on the whole "higher power" thing but I do believe that things turn out the way they are meant to, and that regret is pointless. You can't change the past, you can only change the future, and do your best to move forward from where you are now.
Unfortunately, although this is something that my brain knows and believes, it does not in any way help with guilt.
These last few weeks have been rough on my family. After five days in a coma, my husband and I made the difficult decision to take my father in law off of the respirator, and he died within hours. My head knows that we're doing all of the right things, and that it's more important to now focus on MY boys, who are alive, and what it right for them, but this does not dispel guilt.
As this relates to my workouts, as soon as I went back to work after Bob's death, I had a major cold kick in. It started in my head, but as always seems to happen for me, it promptly settled into my chest. So for almost two weeks, I have not been able to breathe. No breathing= no workout.
Again, the brain knows that I felt like poop, which is not good for working out, but I can't shake the guilt.
Before, this would not worry me, but now, I not only miss the working out, but I've got a tri. TOMORROW MORNING. I'll get on my bike today, but I'm worried. Tried to go for a run last night, and I couldn't breathe.
So tomorrow will be about two things for me. Drugs, and pacing. I'll NEED to make sure I use my inhaler to keep my lungs open, and maybe a decongestant to stay clear. Sadly, the thing that cost me the most yesterday was laughing, which then caused a coughing fit. I need to make sure I'm taking it slow, but still fast enough that I don't have major attacks of guilt later.
Unfortunately, although this is something that my brain knows and believes, it does not in any way help with guilt.
These last few weeks have been rough on my family. After five days in a coma, my husband and I made the difficult decision to take my father in law off of the respirator, and he died within hours. My head knows that we're doing all of the right things, and that it's more important to now focus on MY boys, who are alive, and what it right for them, but this does not dispel guilt.
As this relates to my workouts, as soon as I went back to work after Bob's death, I had a major cold kick in. It started in my head, but as always seems to happen for me, it promptly settled into my chest. So for almost two weeks, I have not been able to breathe. No breathing= no workout.
Again, the brain knows that I felt like poop, which is not good for working out, but I can't shake the guilt.
Before, this would not worry me, but now, I not only miss the working out, but I've got a tri. TOMORROW MORNING. I'll get on my bike today, but I'm worried. Tried to go for a run last night, and I couldn't breathe.
So tomorrow will be about two things for me. Drugs, and pacing. I'll NEED to make sure I use my inhaler to keep my lungs open, and maybe a decongestant to stay clear. Sadly, the thing that cost me the most yesterday was laughing, which then caused a coughing fit. I need to make sure I'm taking it slow, but still fast enough that I don't have major attacks of guilt later.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Mortality, Morbidly, and Muscles
I'd beat myself up more for not writing, but my father in law had a massive heart attack and has been in a coma, so I think I get a little bit of a pass.
But time spent in the ICU at Harborview Medical Center means less training time, while I ponder my own mortality. When we look at the risks for what happened to him (at 64) we check a lot of boxes that for ME would not be checked:
So if I'm going to work on my BMI bullet, then I need to get on that horse. Or at least off of my ass.
I tweeted earlier in the week about the TIME Magazine article on weight loss & exercise. And for me it makes sense. If I work out, it's OK to have an ice cream bar. Oh, and it's a 100 cal Skinny Cow. So I get two, right? No wonder I'm not losing my fat suit. I keep putting it on as fast as I work on taking it off.
So in a triathlon, which event is likely the hardest on your body, but burns the most calories? Ding, ding, yep, you guessed it- running!
And if you've been reading along, which is the event that I loathe, despise, and avoid any time I can make an excuse? Yep, I've even changed the usage of the word since I avoid it so much, it's running.
So since I'm in random crazy mode, I signed up for some group training called, from couch to 5k, with coach Beth at Running Evolution. We met for the first workout today, and I think it was a good choice. I'm running with other women who are at my level (or lack there of) so I don't beat myself up, or feel like I'm holding others back the same way I did with my other group. And I'm training for a 5k on Sept 12, a week before the Trek, the Irongirl. It looks like a lot of fun, and the big thing I've learned, is that I CAN train all alone... but I don't work as hard or do as well.
Even when I did the tri- I felt like all of the other women were already GOING to do better than me, so there was no point in pushing my boundries. 104th best was OK. I'm still not trying to win my age division or anything, but I could and SHOULD push for MY best. And now I will. Even if it means moving further out of my comfortzone and running.
Maybe I'll figure out why on earth other people do it on purpose.
But time spent in the ICU at Harborview Medical Center means less training time, while I ponder my own mortality. When we look at the risks for what happened to him (at 64) we check a lot of boxes that for ME would not be checked:
- Smoker FIL-Y Me- N
- Heavy Drinker FIL- Y Me- N
- High Blood Pressure FIL-Y Me-N
- High Cholesterol FIL-Y Me-N
- Over 60 FIL-Y Me-Not yet :)
- Congenital Heart Defect: Me- Y FIL-N
- BMI over 30(get it, morbidly obese?): Me- Y FIL-N
So if I'm going to work on my BMI bullet, then I need to get on that horse. Or at least off of my ass.
I tweeted earlier in the week about the TIME Magazine article on weight loss & exercise. And for me it makes sense. If I work out, it's OK to have an ice cream bar. Oh, and it's a 100 cal Skinny Cow. So I get two, right? No wonder I'm not losing my fat suit. I keep putting it on as fast as I work on taking it off.
So in a triathlon, which event is likely the hardest on your body, but burns the most calories? Ding, ding, yep, you guessed it- running!
And if you've been reading along, which is the event that I loathe, despise, and avoid any time I can make an excuse? Yep, I've even changed the usage of the word since I avoid it so much, it's running.
So since I'm in random crazy mode, I signed up for some group training called, from couch to 5k, with coach Beth at Running Evolution. We met for the first workout today, and I think it was a good choice. I'm running with other women who are at my level (or lack there of) so I don't beat myself up, or feel like I'm holding others back the same way I did with my other group. And I'm training for a 5k on Sept 12, a week before the Trek, the Irongirl. It looks like a lot of fun, and the big thing I've learned, is that I CAN train all alone... but I don't work as hard or do as well.
Even when I did the tri- I felt like all of the other women were already GOING to do better than me, so there was no point in pushing my boundries. 104th best was OK. I'm still not trying to win my age division or anything, but I could and SHOULD push for MY best. And now I will. Even if it means moving further out of my comfortzone and running.
Maybe I'll figure out why on earth other people do it on purpose.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
One down two to go!
So, I guess I owe everyone a post...
Last week was amazingly busy at work, I had late meetings Thursday, but still managed to get to swim with my training team at Beaver Lk, even if I was late. Was too hot for my wetsuit, but it fit, and I got some time in it in the water.
So Thursday night, very little sleep. Friday I had the big thing I was working late for on Thursday, so work, work, work. Then we drive to Olympia to drop off the kid & dog with Grandma, drive, drive, drive. Check into hotel in Vancouver, WA (just north of Portland) at 11p.
Up at 5:45a. Hubby and I both couldn't sleep because we were worried about oversleeping. Up and a couple of pieces of French Toast at the hotel's breakfast and off to Blue Lake Park in Fairview, Oregon.
On the drive, I was ready to lose the French Toast. I knew this was something that I could do, but I was pretty sure the butterflies were going to win a little battle in my middle. We got parked and I picked up my packet. Before I knew it, I was in the the transition area. There I felt a little better, I knew what I was doing. I even helped others who didn't know how to set up.
There were a not a lot of women wearing wetsuits, but I wanted to have the floatation and confidence, so I wore it anyway. Since it was a "Try It" event, it was a shorter swim. The start was fully in the water, but that was OK. I did alright swimming in the crowd, and I think that if I go down to the water in time to practice a little and relax, it will go better. Only 3 little panic attacks, and I rolled over to my back twice, but in large part, that was because I saw so many others doing the back stroke. I was actually hot in the wetsuit, but when the the temps have been in the upper 90s for a week, I think that's to be expected.
We had to run up a hill to get to the transition area, and I spent longer there than I NEEDED to, but I was not pushing myself super hard either. The big change I think I'd make there is to get a little snack- something to help give me a little extra energy for the ride.
The ride itself went well, but I did lose a fair amount of ground. My husband noticed I've got one of the heavier bikes out there- I got new road tires put on my 1994 Trek Mountain Track, but still it's HEAVY compared to a road bike. I was pretty excited that I remembered to drink water... I tend to forget when I'm on a ride but I tried to make it a priority. We went along a pretty road that's along the Columbia River. It was pretty flat (although I later figured out that the ride out was a slight incline) but there was a significant head wind on the ride out. In theory, that would make the ride back in go REALLY fast, but I was pooped by that point, so I was happy to let it push me along. I also had some random numbness in my left foot & hand... will have to ask my Dr about it next time I go in.
Last transition I did have a chocolate gel. Not bad, but not a regular diet staple. Again, I think it would have been better to take on the bike ride. Had some water, but I really should have taken it with me for a little while. And I think that I could have moved faster. Took me like 4 min, but I do think one of those was looking for the dang gel (which was in the goodie bag they gave us @ the event.)
So then, I walked. Could I have done a little running? Of course. But I was getting hot, and with my history of heat exhaustion, I didn't want to push it. I was alone most of the way, but at the very end, caught up with a pair of women who were also doing their 1st tri, and we talked together to almost the end.
Overall, my time was right around 2:20. Not awesome, but not a bad benchmark to start from. I felt great when it was over, so I know that I could have pushed myself harder. Not that I want to actually make myself sick, but I felt like I should have been more tired. That will be my goal for the next one, better time, and actually tire myself out.
This weekend I'm planning to do a swim in Lk Sammamish, so I'll be familiar with what the water is like before my next tri on 8/29. Still haven't decided if I'm going to do the Seattle Open Water Swim on 8/15, so that I have a full 1/2 mile under my belt before the Trek, and if I'm going to do the Railroad Days 5k with my hubby & son. Maybe I'll just run the 1k w/ the kid. That one is on 8/22, so would make my Aug a pretty busy month.
Last week was amazingly busy at work, I had late meetings Thursday, but still managed to get to swim with my training team at Beaver Lk, even if I was late. Was too hot for my wetsuit, but it fit, and I got some time in it in the water.
So Thursday night, very little sleep. Friday I had the big thing I was working late for on Thursday, so work, work, work. Then we drive to Olympia to drop off the kid & dog with Grandma, drive, drive, drive. Check into hotel in Vancouver, WA (just north of Portland) at 11p.
Up at 5:45a. Hubby and I both couldn't sleep because we were worried about oversleeping. Up and a couple of pieces of French Toast at the hotel's breakfast and off to Blue Lake Park in Fairview, Oregon.
On the drive, I was ready to lose the French Toast. I knew this was something that I could do, but I was pretty sure the butterflies were going to win a little battle in my middle. We got parked and I picked up my packet. Before I knew it, I was in the the transition area. There I felt a little better, I knew what I was doing. I even helped others who didn't know how to set up.
There were a not a lot of women wearing wetsuits, but I wanted to have the floatation and confidence, so I wore it anyway. Since it was a "Try It" event, it was a shorter swim. The start was fully in the water, but that was OK. I did alright swimming in the crowd, and I think that if I go down to the water in time to practice a little and relax, it will go better. Only 3 little panic attacks, and I rolled over to my back twice, but in large part, that was because I saw so many others doing the back stroke. I was actually hot in the wetsuit, but when the the temps have been in the upper 90s for a week, I think that's to be expected.
We had to run up a hill to get to the transition area, and I spent longer there than I NEEDED to, but I was not pushing myself super hard either. The big change I think I'd make there is to get a little snack- something to help give me a little extra energy for the ride.
The ride itself went well, but I did lose a fair amount of ground. My husband noticed I've got one of the heavier bikes out there- I got new road tires put on my 1994 Trek Mountain Track, but still it's HEAVY compared to a road bike. I was pretty excited that I remembered to drink water... I tend to forget when I'm on a ride but I tried to make it a priority. We went along a pretty road that's along the Columbia River. It was pretty flat (although I later figured out that the ride out was a slight incline) but there was a significant head wind on the ride out. In theory, that would make the ride back in go REALLY fast, but I was pooped by that point, so I was happy to let it push me along. I also had some random numbness in my left foot & hand... will have to ask my Dr about it next time I go in.
Last transition I did have a chocolate gel. Not bad, but not a regular diet staple. Again, I think it would have been better to take on the bike ride. Had some water, but I really should have taken it with me for a little while. And I think that I could have moved faster. Took me like 4 min, but I do think one of those was looking for the dang gel (which was in the goodie bag they gave us @ the event.)
So then, I walked. Could I have done a little running? Of course. But I was getting hot, and with my history of heat exhaustion, I didn't want to push it. I was alone most of the way, but at the very end, caught up with a pair of women who were also doing their 1st tri, and we talked together to almost the end.
Overall, my time was right around 2:20. Not awesome, but not a bad benchmark to start from. I felt great when it was over, so I know that I could have pushed myself harder. Not that I want to actually make myself sick, but I felt like I should have been more tired. That will be my goal for the next one, better time, and actually tire myself out.
This weekend I'm planning to do a swim in Lk Sammamish, so I'll be familiar with what the water is like before my next tri on 8/29. Still haven't decided if I'm going to do the Seattle Open Water Swim on 8/15, so that I have a full 1/2 mile under my belt before the Trek, and if I'm going to do the Railroad Days 5k with my hubby & son. Maybe I'll just run the 1k w/ the kid. That one is on 8/22, so would make my Aug a pretty busy month.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
In which I yell at a bald eagle, AND try to remember to breathe
It's amazing how getting busy can pull me away from the things I want to be doing. My original passion was writing, and it's a muscle that I don't get to exercise everyday. Much like my other muscles, now that I've gotten back in the habit, it's something I miss when I, well, miss it.
So today, I've got two blog posts in my head, that if I don't get out of my head now, I'm not sure when I will have time.
So my best workout in the last two weeks was a swim at Lake Washington on Saturday morning. Bright and early at Seward Park you can at least get a parking spot, but there is still a lot more activity, both people out running or riding or swimming, and this week, with the birds.
As my neighbor and I got ready to get in the water, we paused to watch a beautiful, adult bald eagle that was circling the cove where we swim. We next noticed a LOT of quacking each time he approached the water and realized what had his attention. There were two groups of ducks, of one adults, and another of a mother with her ducklings. It only took a split second to figure out that this was the circle of life at work. The eagle was planning a duckling breakfast.
I understand that this is the way that the world works. I am not a vegan or anything like that, but I admit, I get squeamish when it hits too close to home. (I got mad at the caterers at my wedding for leaving the head on the salmon in the buffet- I mean seriously, who wants to look their lunch in the eye?) I know the eagle was just doing what eagles do, but I simply couldn't watch.
After trying to ignore a couple more close calls, I couldn't just let it happen. So there I was, wet suit, swim cap, goggles on my head, waving my arms in the air and yelling at a bald eagle. I didn't actually threaten it, so I don't think I broke any laws about protected birds, I just told him to go away, and eat somewhere else. He circled one more time and took off. I didn't see if he had a duckling with him, but considering how quickly the ducks calmed, and that I didn't hear a duckling when he flew away, I think he just left. Hopefully he got himself a fish. I'm not really excited about swimming with them, even though I know it's their lake, not mine.
After that, the swim went fairly well. I'm still trying to stay slower, and not attack the water, so that I don't have to stop and catch my breath. I also picked up my brand new wetsuit of my very own, a Blue Seventy WLA. Considering the height & weight charts, I'm excited that it goes on, although it is tighter, and I have not yet been out in it.
This worries me a little, the lack of time that I've been training for the last 2.5 weeks, because SATURDAY is my first big event. It's in Portland, the Tri-It at the All Women's Tri/Du at Blue Lake, just east of Portland.
So here are the reasons that I'm hyperventilating:
When I did the 3 day, it was the 1st year in Seattle, 2001. And it was the hottest day of the year. On the first afternoon, as I came over the crest of the last hill, I saw all of the local TV helicopters circling our camp for the night. After I called the newsroom where I worked at the time, I learned that people were pushing themselves too hard, and needing medical attention. I was not one of those people. I trained my ass off (literally- I lost 50 lbs) and when I was too hot, I sat down.
So now I'm trying to thing of songs to get stuck in my head. A mental soundtrack to help me SLOW DOWN. When I swim with my friend who goes slower, I have had "You Are Not Alone," by MJ, but I don't think that's really what I want. My usually lately has been Pink's, "So What," but that will keep my pace too fast.
My mantra for this week's race. Finish. I don't need to win anything. It's enough as long as I finish.
So today, I've got two blog posts in my head, that if I don't get out of my head now, I'm not sure when I will have time.
So my best workout in the last two weeks was a swim at Lake Washington on Saturday morning. Bright and early at Seward Park you can at least get a parking spot, but there is still a lot more activity, both people out running or riding or swimming, and this week, with the birds.
As my neighbor and I got ready to get in the water, we paused to watch a beautiful, adult bald eagle that was circling the cove where we swim. We next noticed a LOT of quacking each time he approached the water and realized what had his attention. There were two groups of ducks, of one adults, and another of a mother with her ducklings. It only took a split second to figure out that this was the circle of life at work. The eagle was planning a duckling breakfast.
I understand that this is the way that the world works. I am not a vegan or anything like that, but I admit, I get squeamish when it hits too close to home. (I got mad at the caterers at my wedding for leaving the head on the salmon in the buffet- I mean seriously, who wants to look their lunch in the eye?) I know the eagle was just doing what eagles do, but I simply couldn't watch.
After trying to ignore a couple more close calls, I couldn't just let it happen. So there I was, wet suit, swim cap, goggles on my head, waving my arms in the air and yelling at a bald eagle. I didn't actually threaten it, so I don't think I broke any laws about protected birds, I just told him to go away, and eat somewhere else. He circled one more time and took off. I didn't see if he had a duckling with him, but considering how quickly the ducks calmed, and that I didn't hear a duckling when he flew away, I think he just left. Hopefully he got himself a fish. I'm not really excited about swimming with them, even though I know it's their lake, not mine.
After that, the swim went fairly well. I'm still trying to stay slower, and not attack the water, so that I don't have to stop and catch my breath. I also picked up my brand new wetsuit of my very own, a Blue Seventy WLA. Considering the height & weight charts, I'm excited that it goes on, although it is tighter, and I have not yet been out in it.
This worries me a little, the lack of time that I've been training for the last 2.5 weeks, because SATURDAY is my first big event. It's in Portland, the Tri-It at the All Women's Tri/Du at Blue Lake, just east of Portland.
So here are the reasons that I'm hyperventilating:
- In case you haven't heard, we're having a little bit of a heat wave here. It's supposed to break on Friday, but weather and supposed to doesn't always mean it will happen here in the Pacific NW. There is a reason my friends Scott and Steve called their book about being weather guys "Somewhere, I Was Right."
- I have not yet been for a swim in my new wetsuit. I'm planning to on Thursday, but I know of something that will keep me busy Thursday night at work, so I'm a little concerned about it not happening.
- I got new tires on my bike this weekend. Road tires vs. off-road tires. I have not been out on them either.
- Did I mention that this is MY VERY FIRST TRIATHLON EVER?
- WTF WAS I THINKING TO GET IN TO THIS?
When I did the 3 day, it was the 1st year in Seattle, 2001. And it was the hottest day of the year. On the first afternoon, as I came over the crest of the last hill, I saw all of the local TV helicopters circling our camp for the night. After I called the newsroom where I worked at the time, I learned that people were pushing themselves too hard, and needing medical attention. I was not one of those people. I trained my ass off (literally- I lost 50 lbs) and when I was too hot, I sat down.
So now I'm trying to thing of songs to get stuck in my head. A mental soundtrack to help me SLOW DOWN. When I swim with my friend who goes slower, I have had "You Are Not Alone," by MJ, but I don't think that's really what I want. My usually lately has been Pink's, "So What," but that will keep my pace too fast.
My mantra for this week's race. Finish. I don't need to win anything. It's enough as long as I finish.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Weightlessness
So I did it. I've officially signed up for a couple of intermediate events. I'm in week two of my "time off" and although if I bent over backwards I might be able to get it in, it's just really difficult. And with as much work as I've got, not worth the work.
But Saturday I swam. I never believed I could look forward to something involving working out as much as our swim in Beaver Lake on Saturday morning. There were only a few people fishing when my friends and I got there, and since the last few days had been so warm, the only reason I needed the wetsuit was for confidence floating.
The lake was just placid, with just three swimmers to cut thru the water. I let myself relax and just swim, not worrying about how anyone else was doing (okay, to some extent- I ALWAYS worry about others, over active mom instincts, even before I became a mother) but I concentrated on not attacking the water, just relaxing and trying to keep an even pace.
My husband always says he wants to retire on a golf course. Which is a little silly to talk about since he'll have to teach for like 25 more years, but I digress. When I got home on Saturday, I told him that I want to live on a lake. There was a guy sitting out on his deck, drinking coffee and I think watching us swim, and all I could think was, wouldn't it be great to be able to walk out on my dock and dive in?
It was just a perfect morning, not feeling like I had anything to prove, just slicing through the water. The water doesn't care how much I weigh. The water doesn't make anything jiggle or bounce. I just glide.
So now, I have to see if I can find that place of glide while surrounded by a hundred or two of my closest brand new friends. Trial one, August 1, Troutdale, Oregon. We'll see how I do.
But Saturday I swam. I never believed I could look forward to something involving working out as much as our swim in Beaver Lake on Saturday morning. There were only a few people fishing when my friends and I got there, and since the last few days had been so warm, the only reason I needed the wetsuit was for confidence floating.
The lake was just placid, with just three swimmers to cut thru the water. I let myself relax and just swim, not worrying about how anyone else was doing (okay, to some extent- I ALWAYS worry about others, over active mom instincts, even before I became a mother) but I concentrated on not attacking the water, just relaxing and trying to keep an even pace.
My husband always says he wants to retire on a golf course. Which is a little silly to talk about since he'll have to teach for like 25 more years, but I digress. When I got home on Saturday, I told him that I want to live on a lake. There was a guy sitting out on his deck, drinking coffee and I think watching us swim, and all I could think was, wouldn't it be great to be able to walk out on my dock and dive in?
It was just a perfect morning, not feeling like I had anything to prove, just slicing through the water. The water doesn't care how much I weigh. The water doesn't make anything jiggle or bounce. I just glide.
So now, I have to see if I can find that place of glide while surrounded by a hundred or two of my closest brand new friends. Trial one, August 1, Troutdale, Oregon. We'll see how I do.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Getting it into gear- hopefully not neutral.
I'm feeling awful that it's been so long since I've updated, but life gets in the way. My son turned six, and possibly into the devil, not only hitting & kicking friends at his daycare, but telling me that if I "lose of of the extra chubby weight you'll be able to run faster." Thanks.
Of course, this is while the hubby is out of town. Does he travel for work often? Uh, no. Just this week. And next week. Unless I have a nervous breakdown.
So since I last blogged, I met a neighbor who is looking to do her first tri too, invited her to come swimming with our team, and met ANOTHER neighbor who swam with us. Pretty cool to meet some more people since we've lived here for 2.5 yrs. You can tell, we get out a lot. :)
I've also not worked out AT ALL since that Saturday swim. I of course blame my hubby being out of town, but I think it's also a lack of motivation. SO I've decided that I've spent 2 months training, and I'm ready to start taking this show on the road. I'm 99% sure that I'm signing up for the Portland All-Women's try a try (shorter swim) event on 8/1 and the Lake Sammamish tri on 8/29. It's also a 1/4 mile swim, so it gets me one step closer to my BIG event on Sept. 20.
Two other little baby steps forward in the last 10 days. I was surprised by how much water comes out of my rental men's 2XU suit when I take it off (AND how it's not that hard to get on & off) Saturday I went to Triumph Multisport to try on a ladies wetsuit- a Blue Seventy Reaction WXLA sleeveless suit. AND IT FIT! I won't be able to get it used, but I'm going to call them & have them order. I'm very excited, since I'm less likely to shrink out of this as soon.
Baby step #2- I actually miss working out. I was hoping to take breaks from work to fit it in and it hasn't happened. Or to take the little man to daycare and do 1st thing in the AM. I'm looking at that plan for tomorrow, but I also met the parent of a teenager who lives down the street... might look at having her hang out @ my house for an hour while I work out.
I don't enjoy the working out while I'm doing it, but I miss how I feel after. When I come back in the house, when I get off my bike, when I get out of the pool, I feel taller. I want to get that back. Got to check the lap times at the pool for tomorrow.
Of course, this is while the hubby is out of town. Does he travel for work often? Uh, no. Just this week. And next week. Unless I have a nervous breakdown.
So since I last blogged, I met a neighbor who is looking to do her first tri too, invited her to come swimming with our team, and met ANOTHER neighbor who swam with us. Pretty cool to meet some more people since we've lived here for 2.5 yrs. You can tell, we get out a lot. :)
I've also not worked out AT ALL since that Saturday swim. I of course blame my hubby being out of town, but I think it's also a lack of motivation. SO I've decided that I've spent 2 months training, and I'm ready to start taking this show on the road. I'm 99% sure that I'm signing up for the Portland All-Women's try a try (shorter swim) event on 8/1 and the Lake Sammamish tri on 8/29. It's also a 1/4 mile swim, so it gets me one step closer to my BIG event on Sept. 20.
Two other little baby steps forward in the last 10 days. I was surprised by how much water comes out of my rental men's 2XU suit when I take it off (AND how it's not that hard to get on & off) Saturday I went to Triumph Multisport to try on a ladies wetsuit- a Blue Seventy Reaction WXLA sleeveless suit. AND IT FIT! I won't be able to get it used, but I'm going to call them & have them order. I'm very excited, since I'm less likely to shrink out of this as soon.
Baby step #2- I actually miss working out. I was hoping to take breaks from work to fit it in and it hasn't happened. Or to take the little man to daycare and do 1st thing in the AM. I'm looking at that plan for tomorrow, but I also met the parent of a teenager who lives down the street... might look at having her hang out @ my house for an hour while I work out.
I don't enjoy the working out while I'm doing it, but I miss how I feel after. When I come back in the house, when I get off my bike, when I get out of the pool, I feel taller. I want to get that back. Got to check the lap times at the pool for tomorrow.
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