Three, it's the magic number!

So Sunday was it. The TREK Women's Triathlon. The tri I've been training for since MAY, and my third and final race of the season.

It was the biggest, the longest, and by far the best run of my events. The big national sponsor probably helps with that, but it also had a terrific atmosphere. And the fact that I got to do it with so many of my ladies didn't hurt either.

So race day started bright and freaking early. Race started at 7:15a, and I had to park, rack my bike, get body marked (grosses me out to do the day before), get set up, get into my wetsuit, and oh yeah, I live 30 min away.

I got no sleep the night before (can't sleep, won't wake up, can't sleep, need to sleep, so I don't bonk, can't sleep, need to sleep too much- kind of night) so I was a little cranky when I got up. Thank GOODNESS I had everything packed & ready to go.

I get into Seattle, and know that I'm blocks away from the park when I see people walking their bikes... uh, oh. I follow a stream of traffic to park in a field a block and a half away from the MASSIVE Genesse Park. The good thing I see- roads are closed until 1pm. I KNOW I can finish 5 hours...

Fast forward, transition set up, event zero (the wetsuit wiggle) complete. I find some of my amazing tri friends, and we go get into the water to wait for our wave. I meet even more of my friends, and a few more who are not friends yet. I don't really swim as much as get acclimated, and ready for the water. I'm in wave 8, so I've got some time to relax.

Out and back into the water for our pep talk from Sally Edwards. If we see another woman in trouble the way to give her energy, "You Go Girlfriend!" And the word for today, terrific! We are terrific swimmers, terrific cyclists, terrific runners, terrific triathletes.

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... All I can think- DAMN that second buoy looks FAR away. 5... 4... 3... 2... Holy crap, whose idea was this again? 1... and we're off.

This is the first race I've been in where we've got so much water support. I'm keeping it slow and steady. Around the first buoy, still no panic attacks, no flipping on my back. Snow and steady. It's OK to rest a little. Don't need help, just breathe a little, and stroke, stroke, slow & steady. Random musing while I swim along- I wonder- how much time I will cut down when I lose all of the weight I want to and get the breast reduction down from ridiculous to just big? Seems like my K cups would cause a lot of drag.

"You are not alone," kind of cheesy Michael Jackson song, but keeps me on tempo. Around that second buoy, it's not so far away. And now I can see the end of the swim. Stroke, stroke, slow & steady. Still no panic attacks, and no flipping over. At the end, over the icky milfoil. Stroke until I touch 3 times, people to help us stand, and I'm headed up the hill for transition. 29:37 for my first ever 1/2 mile swim.

My spot was the far side of the transition area. The major advantage to being slow, it's much easier to find my bike with so many others from my rack already gone. Headed out, big crowd to cheer us on, and I'm feeling good. Out flat on our way to I-90, but then we climb to get to the Express Lanes. Getting passed, which is OK, but the actual trail to get onto the bridge is a walking trail, split for bikes going both ways. With an "s" curve. Straight uphill. Lost momentum, and for the first time in a tri, I'm off my bike and walking. Seemed safer than a crash.

The bridge was chilly, but not too windy. Steep high rise to get up onto Mercer Island, and into the tunnel. Lots of shouting for encouragement, cool echo. I get to turn around soon right? Nope. Never noticed there are hills in the Express Lanes on Mercer Island before. WTF? Going, going, and at the bottom of a hill, the turn around. Losing all of my lovely downhill momentum. Crap.

The way back is easier, because I know I'm more than half way. Push, push, hips starting to hurt. Hands falling asleep. Up the Seattle side high rise, and then it's almost all down hill. Second Chocolate gel- drink some water- CRAP- don't crash into that wall. Blow a kiss to the photographer, and back into transition. 1:00:08. (Yes, this is almost 20 min faster than Lk Samm)

Second transition is my fastest ever. Drop the bike crap, grab one more drink, my visor, and for once my heart rate monitor (HRM) to keep my honest, and in just over 2 min, I was off again.

Started out walking (my heart rate monitor said I could- but if I got under 140, it was time to run a little) but walking fast. I felt like the biggest mistake I made in the 5k was to start out running too fast. It's easier to set your own pace after the swim start in a tri- there's no crowd mentality. Saw a walker up ahead and jogged a bit to catch up and walk with her for a while. She was in a relay, but it turns out that she also did the Breast Cancer 3 day in 2001. We chatted about the importance of training, and drinking things like Gatorade even if they taste nasty, and then I checked my handy dandy HRM and was off & running.

My couch to 5k coach wrote a blog several weeks ago about races she likes, and says that she thinks out & back races are boring. I respectfully disagree. I like seeing others and shouting words of encouragement on the bike course. I couldn't tell you how many people I high-fived on the wun. We're all in it together, and it helps to see more people IMHO.

Anyhow, I was fairly true to my HRM, and picked up when I could/needed to. I already knew when to slow down. :)

Big hill, walked, no big deal. I met up with some ladies who were in my tri coach's new group. We wan together a mile or so. It was nice, although I think I let myself off of the running hook a little too much. We lost one person slightly, with a little run downhill. More and more down hill, and then we were in the park. Robin says to me- "I'm running at the orange."

So I was planning to run, as well, and I did. But then I saw my son, hubby & mom. And my son says, "You finished mom, I'm so proud of you!" in his shrieky little 6 year old voice, and I ran a little harder. Next thing I knew, I was sprinting. Like, OMG-someone-is-going-to-grab-my-child sprinting. And grinning. They called my name and said, "Wow, look at her go!"

And then it was over. I was hugging my boys, and my mom was crying. It was the best I've ever felt at the end of an athletic thing. I know how people get hooked.

My original purpose for this blog was just to share my training journey, and hope that by showing other people what I have gone through, they would believe that they could do it too. I still contend, if I can do a triathlon, ANYONE can. And as I've done this, I've made at least three people I know of decide they could, and not only sign up, but complete triathlons. I know of a couple more who are still in the planning stages, and at least one who went through with plans when it would have been easier to give up. I think that makes every single one of us a success.

My time for the wun was 50:40, my best for a tri, and only 3 min slower when I did just a 5k the weekend before. My total time? 2:28:15. Two min better than my stretch goal. I told a friend yesterday that my time may not have been a great time in GENERAL, but it was a great time for ME. And I'm the only one of me who was in it, right?

So this COULD be my last blog, but I think that this is just the beginning. I'm seriously looking at at least 5 races next year, starting with one where I learned to swim in Corvallis, OR in May. I'm hoping to lose some weight this winter to make all of this less work. Still thinking about more 5ks, so I can improve my wun time. Maybe some spinning classes to help me in the bike. And I'm still working on that $2200 in the couch cushions.

Hi. My name is Ange. I'm a triathlete. Come tri with me, the best is yet to come!

We're all scared

I've been meaning to write (you know how that is) but the problem I have when I go TOO long without writing is that I have too many things rattling around in my head to say, and I have a hard time picking one out.

My hubby is sick, and when I came home from riding the bike at the gym (I really would rather be outside, but it's dark by the time my kid is asleep now and I want to spend time w/ him more than I want to ride outside) and DH was FINALLY watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy.

There was this scene, this line, that just struck me, and reminded me why I've saved that show for like 4 months to make sure he watched it. Dr Bailey is talking about HER husband giving her an ultimatum & the chief says her husband is scared. Her response is such a GREAT line (I LOVE great writing):

"Well, we're all scared! I mean, if you're not scared you're not paying attention!"

When I started writing this blog, it was to share what I'm doing with my friends all at once, and I had a stretch goal, to see if I could get someone to try something new- maybe a triathlon, maybe something else.

I'm not sure if it's ALL about the blog, but as of this weekend, I have convinced at least 3 people that they could do tris, and have talked a couple of others in to 5ks. Pretty damn exciting.

People keep telling me that I'm inspiring, but I would say that each of those people is inspiring in their own right. My new friends who learn to swim so they can do triathlons. Ladies who have all sorts of obstacles like illnesses, family issues, whatever, but still get up in the morning and get on with their day.

Nothing in this life is easy. We all make a myriad of decisions every day that can be right, wrong, or even right now. But the fact is, we are all doing the best that we can.

OK- so on that cheesy note, my 5k race report. Did the Iron Girl 5k. If I do no other 5k, I think I will likely do this one again. It was well run, we got cool medals & had a nice breakfast, but the coolest part was the "Mommy/Daughter" aspect of the event. There were a BUNCH of little girls, many my son's age and younger, running with their mom. It was amazing to see so many little girls running.

When I was that age, I was a book worm. Hell, let's face it, I still am a book worm. But it was the 1970s, and girls were not always expected to be athletic. I was smart, and that was good enough. It's neat for me to see that girls are so much more empowered to be active now.

The wun part went well. I started out at a pretty good jog, but went to a walk after about 1/2 mile. I wore my heart rate monitor, and made sure that I wasn't pushing too hard, but also that I wasn't letting myself off the hook too much either.

My 5k for my two tris have been 55 & 53 min each. So my goals were 1) finish w/out stopping, 2) finish in 50 min, and my STRETCH goal, was to finish in 45 min.

My finish time, :47:05. But you know what, I'll take it! I know that 30 min is the typical goal, but I stuck with what was right for me. I made a joke to someone who I kept catching up with, sometimes passing, and then falling back behind when we got lapped by the 10k ladies, that when I'm feeling mean, I want to strap an extra 100 lbs to then and see how they do.

The final thing I did Saturday was likely the dumbest. There was a Specialized rep there with their Women Specific Design bikes to try, and I took out a Ruby Elite. It's a $2200 bike, and when I rode it, it was like the heavens opened up and angels sang. I wanted to hug it and never let it go... sorry 1994 TREK MountianTrack. You've been replaced in my heart.

So if anyone has $2200 lying around that they want to donate to a nice lady who wants a new bike let me know!

Next race report: after this weekend's TREK Women's Sprint Tri. EEP!

The things I'm trying to remember: 1) Run my own race. It's me against the me, not anyone upon whom I would like to strap my extra 100 lbs. 2) Slow down in the water, and take long strokes. I'm a good swimmer, and with all of the stuff around me and wearing my wetsuit, I will not drown. 3) None of this means I can be lazy. If I want to do MY best, I can't just walk. I have to TRY.

I'll let you know how that goes.

I lothe running

Yep, I said it. I didn't mean to type a 'v' I LOTHE RUNNING.


It makes my knees hurt, my hips hurt and makes it feel like my skin is too tight. My face gets hot, and my hands feel all sausage-y. I'm reminded of all of my extra bouncy parts, since, you know, running makes them bounce.


Tonight I didn't have to wun, I got to walk, but it was a hill workout, so it was still tough.


My husband did similar and was so focused on "running" that when I asked if he saw the deer in two different places that I did, he wasn't sure.


I however, had a deer watch me for a good half mile, down a hill, and up again, and then saw a mom & her baby tentatively cross the street in front of me.


The moral is this. I'm slow, but I'm aware of what's around me. I'm trying to notice the air, the ground, the sky. Anything that will take my mind off of how much I f***ing HATE running.


Short post tonight- excited to see several of my tri girls for an open water swim tomorrow. Can't believe that the TREK is only 2 weeks away! More frightening, my 1st 5k, next Saturday.


Finally, I give you some pics by ImageArts Photography of my tri last weekend. There aren't any that are happy, so I will not highlight many, but if you've ever wondered what I look like... and in a wetsuit no less, see if you can pick my 5 pics out on this page.


Here's a hint, my finishing pic (also courtesy ImageArts)... it's kind of tempting to just do a little virtical squeeze & make me skinny, but that's not the point.

On to the next race. And here's hoping I'm crossing the finsh line smiling this time :)

632 (Or what being dead last means to me)

Of 640 people who jumped in Lk Sammamish with the intent of doing a triathlon on Saturday, I crossed the finish line 632nd.

How that makes me dead last? 633-640 were DNF. The worst possible result in a triathlon. Did Not Finish.

There were reasons for this. Not excuses, but reasons. (For the difference, see my feelings on guilt vs regret)

First and foremost, I had not trained significantly in 3 weeks. And by that I mean, since my Aug 1 tri, I did one open water swim, one pool swim, and like wan like 3 times. That includes twice with my 5 k group. And didn't get on my bike at all.

The reasons for the lack of training are good ones. Father in law in a coma for a week. Father in law passes away and I have to help only child hubby deal with (or avoid dealing with) the fall out. The cold from hell. Which did it's usual path for me and spent a few days in my head before settling in my chest & making me sound like Lauren Bacall.

The last one was the one the did the most damage this weekend. I started out, pre-race, feeling pretty good. My hubby asked me the night before if I really wanted to do it, since I still sounded like I was hacking up pieces of lung, but I felt like that would be wimping out. I took my inhaler, and cold meds, and there was a slight drizzle, but hey, who cares about rain when you're swimming, right?

I was a little nervous when I got in the water, but felt that way the 1st time, so didn't think anything of it. Things went significantly down hill from there. I had several friends doing this event, so I had people to talk to as we waited. We were waiting for the pre-race meeting that we never heard happen. (This would be important later)

Things were running late, but no big deal. We waded out into the water at 7:28a and got the start. About 75 meters in to the 1/4 mile swim, I tried to hydrate myself by inhaling a large amount of water. I coughed for a min, and never was able to catch my breath again. At this point, the spirit was willing, but my lungs were not. I treaded water, backstroked and doggie paddled for 1/4 of a mile. The kayak support offered to help, but I didn't take it. I was going to swim under my own power, but every time I tried to take a full crawl stroke, I had a coughing fit. So after what felt like an hour (but was actually around 18 min) I got out and walked up the beach. Only to find that you had to jump up like a foot, with no stairs. WTF?

Transition went OK. It was really raining by then, but as I was all wet, didn't really worry about it. Wetsuit off, racebelt skirt on, wet socks, wet shoes, pink sleeves, 15 year old gloves, helmet. Just over 4 min.

I was just getting out onto the course when the very first men started to come back from the bike. I heard some rubbing on my front tire, but wasn't able to figure out what it was before the race, so didn't get off to mess with it. As we were leaving, my husband told me that it was my brake rubbing. THE WHOLE 13+ MILES. This course was harder, the roads were open, and it was a slight uphill the whole way out- with a pretty big hill just before the turn around.

The bike was hard. I hadn't ridden a bike outside in the rain since college. Why would I? At one point, it rained hard enough that I was soaked all over. I was coughing up lots of phlegm, and decided that I was over being ladylike. Lots of spitting. It was icky.

It likely didn't help that my elderly mountain bike was working against me with the maladjusted brake. Then again, I have to take the tire off to get it in my car- so that was my fault. This was almost an hour and 20 min. My husband thinks that 10-15 min of that was caused by the brake drag.

The second transition was where I lost it. At every point until this, my spirit has been stronger than my body. My determination was more than my lungs. But as I rode in, people were leaving. If you're a decent triathlete, 1:45 is an easy time to hit. As I walked my bike to my spot, I had to dodge around families and eating people. I knew I wasn't last in on the bike since I didn't have a motorcycle escort, but still, it was discouraging. I was frustrated, but I kissed my kid, and looked around for the run out.

I went back over where the bike out was, where the people were coming in, and couldn't find it. I asked someone, and the pointed all the way back by the lake, the other side of transition. With all of the people "helping" saying, "you go!" none of them could say- "you go- THAT WAY"???

I was tired, wet, dirty, and completely lost it. Panic Attack. Gasping for breath. And fighting tears. I was SO frustrated, so angry, and above all else, mad at myself, because I wanted to do better this time.

There were a couple of areas that were poorly marked. At one point I took a wrong turn. But the one thing I never did is stop. I got passed. I got mad. I ran (a tiny bit). I walked. I told the photographer to leave me alone as I left transition crying. I got ahead of my son as he walked alongside me, and I had the chorus of Madonna's "Can't Stop" running over and over in my head. I didn't stop.

One reason I decided to do triathlons is because I didn't want to do just one sport and be really slow. Somehow, I felt like it was more OK to be slow at three sports. Yes, I realize that if you've never done one, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but if you've been there, you know what I mean. I don't have to win. I just have to finish.

I also was hoping to be an example for my son. He doesn't just see me as pudgy Mommy reading all of the time, but as active Mommy, wunning, riding my bike. But Saturday, I think I showed him a bigger lesson. One I learned about myself some time Saturday afternoon.

There was no way I was going to come in first in the race. Hell, for me, it's not much of a race. It's an event. Most of my life, if I couldn't win, I wouldn't compete. But this is my new thing. It's all about the effort. And never ever giving up.

So on Saturday morning, that's what I taught my son. The time is not important. The destination is only important in that it's the end. I can hate every step of the way, it's not even about the journey. It's all about my willingness to take the journey. It's all about doing MY best. And trying to get better.

Hell, there was only one person who was first. And one who was last. And I'm ok with that.

Guilt vs Regret

I've always made a point of living my life with out regrets. I'm not sure where I am on the whole "higher power" thing but I do believe that things turn out the way they are meant to, and that regret is pointless. You can't change the past, you can only change the future, and do your best to move forward from where you are now.

Unfortunately, although this is something that my brain knows and believes, it does not in any way help with guilt.

These last few weeks have been rough on my family. After five days in a coma, my husband and I made the difficult decision to take my father in law off of the respirator, and he died within hours. My head knows that we're doing all of the right things, and that it's more important to now focus on MY boys, who are alive, and what it right for them, but this does not dispel guilt.

As this relates to my workouts, as soon as I went back to work after Bob's death, I had a major cold kick in. It started in my head, but as always seems to happen for me, it promptly settled into my chest. So for almost two weeks, I have not been able to breathe. No breathing= no workout.

Again, the brain knows that I felt like poop, which is not good for working out, but I can't shake the guilt.

Before, this would not worry me, but now, I not only miss the working out, but I've got a tri. TOMORROW MORNING. I'll get on my bike today, but I'm worried. Tried to go for a run last night, and I couldn't breathe.

So tomorrow will be about two things for me. Drugs, and pacing. I'll NEED to make sure I use my inhaler to keep my lungs open, and maybe a decongestant to stay clear. Sadly, the thing that cost me the most yesterday was laughing, which then caused a coughing fit. I need to make sure I'm taking it slow, but still fast enough that I don't have major attacks of guilt later.

Mortality, Morbidly, and Muscles

I'd beat myself up more for not writing, but my father in law had a massive heart attack and has been in a coma, so I think I get a little bit of a pass.

But time spent in the ICU at Harborview Medical Center means less training time, while I ponder my own mortality. When we look at the risks for what happened to him (at 64) we check a lot of boxes that for ME would not be checked:

• Smoker FIL-Y Me- N
• Heavy Drinker FIL- Y Me- N
• High Blood Pressure FIL-Y Me-N
• High Cholesterol FIL-Y Me-N
• Over 60 FIL-Y Me-Not yet :)

But then there are boxes the other way:

• Congenital Heart Defect: Me- Y FIL-N
• BMI over 30(get it, morbidly obese?): Me- Y FIL-N

So since the tri, I have not been great about keeping up with my workouts. I've been on my bike... nope, no times. Just one time on the bike at the gym. I've been to the pool once, and open water once each. And Wunning... I have done NO wunning. Or walking in an exercise fashion. Or even pilates in the last week.

So if I'm going to work on my BMI bullet, then I need to get on that horse. Or at least off of my ass.

I tweeted earlier in the week about the TIME Magazine article on weight loss & exercise. And for me it makes sense. If I work out, it's OK to have an ice cream bar. Oh, and it's a 100 cal Skinny Cow. So I get two, right? No wonder I'm not losing my fat suit. I keep putting it on as fast as I work on taking it off.

So in a triathlon, which event is likely the hardest on your body, but burns the most calories? Ding, ding, yep, you guessed it- running!

And if you've been reading along, which is the event that I loathe, despise, and avoid any time I can make an excuse? Yep, I've even changed the usage of the word since I avoid it so much, it's running.

So since I'm in random crazy mode, I signed up for some group training called, from couch to 5k, with coach Beth at Running Evolution. We met for the first workout today, and I think it was a good choice. I'm running with other women who are at my level (or lack there of) so I don't beat myself up, or feel like I'm holding others back the same way I did with my other group. And I'm training for a 5k on Sept 12, a week before the Trek, the Irongirl. It looks like a lot of fun, and the big thing I've learned, is that I CAN train all alone... but I don't work as hard or do as well.

Even when I did the tri- I felt like all of the other women were already GOING to do better than me, so there was no point in pushing my boundries. 104th best was OK. I'm still not trying to win my age division or anything, but I could and SHOULD push for MY best. And now I will. Even if it means moving further out of my comfortzone and running.

Maybe I'll figure out why on earth other people do it on purpose.

One down two to go!

So, I guess I owe everyone a post...

Last week was amazingly busy at work, I had late meetings Thursday, but still managed to get to swim with my training team at Beaver Lk, even if I was late. Was too hot for my wetsuit, but it fit, and I got some time in it in the water.

So Thursday night, very little sleep. Friday I had the big thing I was working late for on Thursday, so work, work, work. Then we drive to Olympia to drop off the kid & dog with Grandma, drive, drive, drive. Check into hotel in Vancouver, WA (just north of Portland) at 11p.

Up at 5:45a. Hubby and I both couldn't sleep because we were worried about oversleeping. Up and a couple of pieces of French Toast at the hotel's breakfast and off to Blue Lake Park in Fairview, Oregon.

On the drive, I was ready to lose the French Toast. I knew this was something that I could do, but I was pretty sure the butterflies were going to win a little battle in my middle. We got parked and I picked up my packet. Before I knew it, I was in the the transition area. There I felt a little better, I knew what I was doing. I even helped others who didn't know how to set up.

There were a not a lot of women wearing wetsuits, but I wanted to have the floatation and confidence, so I wore it anyway. Since it was a "Try It" event, it was a shorter swim. The start was fully in the water, but that was OK. I did alright swimming in the crowd, and I think that if I go down to the water in time to practice a little and relax, it will go better. Only 3 little panic attacks, and I rolled over to my back twice, but in large part, that was because I saw so many others doing the back stroke. I was actually hot in the wetsuit, but when the the temps have been in the upper 90s for a week, I think that's to be expected.

We had to run up a hill to get to the transition area, and I spent longer there than I NEEDED to, but I was not pushing myself super hard either. The big change I think I'd make there is to get a little snack- something to help give me a little extra energy for the ride.

The ride itself went well, but I did lose a fair amount of ground. My husband noticed I've got one of the heavier bikes out there- I got new road tires put on my 1994 Trek Mountain Track, but still it's HEAVY compared to a road bike. I was pretty excited that I remembered to drink water... I tend to forget when I'm on a ride but I tried to make it a priority. We went along a pretty road that's along the Columbia River. It was pretty flat (although I later figured out that the ride out was a slight incline) but there was a significant head wind on the ride out. In theory, that would make the ride back in go REALLY fast, but I was pooped by that point, so I was happy to let it push me along. I also had some random numbness in my left foot & hand... will have to ask my Dr about it next time I go in.

Last transition I did have a chocolate gel. Not bad, but not a regular diet staple. Again, I think it would have been better to take on the bike ride. Had some water, but I really should have taken it with me for a little while. And I think that I could have moved faster. Took me like 4 min, but I do think one of those was looking for the dang gel (which was in the goodie bag they gave us @ the event.)

So then, I walked. Could I have done a little running? Of course. But I was getting hot, and with my history of heat exhaustion, I didn't want to push it. I was alone most of the way, but at the very end, caught up with a pair of women who were also doing their 1st tri, and we talked together to almost the end.

Overall, my time was right around 2:20. Not awesome, but not a bad benchmark to start from. I felt great when it was over, so I know that I could have pushed myself harder. Not that I want to actually make myself sick, but I felt like I should have been more tired. That will be my goal for the next one, better time, and actually tire myself out.

This weekend I'm planning to do a swim in Lk Sammamish, so I'll be familiar with what the water is like before my next tri on 8/29. Still haven't decided if I'm going to do the Seattle Open Water Swim on 8/15, so that I have a full 1/2 mile under my belt before the Trek, and if I'm going to do the Railroad Days 5k with my hubby & son. Maybe I'll just run the 1k w/ the kid. That one is on 8/22, so would make my Aug a pretty busy month.

In which I yell at a bald eagle, AND try to remember to breathe

It's amazing how getting busy can pull me away from the things I want to be doing. My original passion was writing, and it's a muscle that I don't get to exercise everyday. Much like my other muscles, now that I've gotten back in the habit, it's something I miss when I, well, miss it.

So today, I've got two blog posts in my head, that if I don't get out of my head now, I'm not sure when I will have time.

So my best workout in the last two weeks was a swim at Lake Washington on Saturday morning. Bright and early at Seward Park you can at least get a parking spot, but there is still a lot more activity, both people out running or riding or swimming, and this week, with the birds.

As my neighbor and I got ready to get in the water, we paused to watch a beautiful, adult bald eagle that was circling the cove where we swim. We next noticed a LOT of quacking each time he approached the water and realized what had his attention. There were two groups of ducks, of one adults, and another of a mother with her ducklings. It only took a split second to figure out that this was the circle of life at work. The eagle was planning a duckling breakfast.

I understand that this is the way that the world works. I am not a vegan or anything like that, but I admit, I get squeamish when it hits too close to home. (I got mad at the caterers at my wedding for leaving the head on the salmon in the buffet- I mean seriously, who wants to look their lunch in the eye?) I know the eagle was just doing what eagles do, but I simply couldn't watch.

After trying to ignore a couple more close calls, I couldn't just let it happen. So there I was, wet suit, swim cap, goggles on my head, waving my arms in the air and yelling at a bald eagle. I didn't actually threaten it, so I don't think I broke any laws about protected birds, I just told him to go away, and eat somewhere else. He circled one more time and took off. I didn't see if he had a duckling with him, but considering how quickly the ducks calmed, and that I didn't hear a duckling when he flew away, I think he just left. Hopefully he got himself a fish. I'm not really excited about swimming with them, even though I know it's their lake, not mine.

After that, the swim went fairly well. I'm still trying to stay slower, and not attack the water, so that I don't have to stop and catch my breath. I also picked up my brand new wetsuit of my very own, a Blue Seventy WLA. Considering the height & weight charts, I'm excited that it goes on, although it is tighter, and I have not yet been out in it.

This worries me a little, the lack of time that I've been training for the last 2.5 weeks, because SATURDAY is my first big event. It's in Portland, the Tri-It at the All Women's Tri/Du at Blue Lake, just east of Portland.

So here are the reasons that I'm hyperventilating:

1. In case you haven't heard, we're having a little bit of a heat wave here. It's supposed to break on Friday, but weather and supposed to doesn't always mean it will happen here in the Pacific NW. There is a reason my friends Scott and Steve called their book about being weather guys "Somewhere, I Was Right."
2. I have not yet been for a swim in my new wetsuit. I'm planning to on Thursday, but I know of something that will keep me busy Thursday night at work, so I'm a little concerned about it not happening.
3. I got new tires on my bike this weekend. Road tires vs. off-road tires. I have not been out on them either.
4. Did I mention that this is MY VERY FIRST TRIATHLON EVER?
5. WTF WAS I THINKING TO GET IN TO THIS?

When I did the 3 day, it was the 1st year in Seattle, 2001. And it was the hottest day of the year. On the first afternoon, as I came over the crest of the last hill, I saw all of the local TV helicopters circling our camp for the night. After I called the newsroom where I worked at the time, I learned that people were pushing themselves too hard, and needing medical attention. I was not one of those people. I trained my ass off (literally- I lost 50 lbs) and when I was too hot, I sat down.

So now I'm trying to thing of songs to get stuck in my head. A mental soundtrack to help me SLOW DOWN. When I swim with my friend who goes slower, I have had "You Are Not Alone," by MJ, but I don't think that's really what I want. My usually lately has been Pink's, "So What," but that will keep my pace too fast.

My mantra for this week's race. Finish. I don't need to win anything. It's enough as long as I finish.

Weightlessness

So I did it. I've officially signed up for a couple of intermediate events. I'm in week two of my "time off" and although if I bent over backwards I might be able to get it in, it's just really difficult. And with as much work as I've got, not worth the work.

But Saturday I swam. I never believed I could look forward to something involving working out as much as our swim in Beaver Lake on Saturday morning. There were only a few people fishing when my friends and I got there, and since the last few days had been so warm, the only reason I needed the wetsuit was for confidence floating.

The lake was just placid, with just three swimmers to cut thru the water. I let myself relax and just swim, not worrying about how anyone else was doing (okay, to some extent- I ALWAYS worry about others, over active mom instincts, even before I became a mother) but I concentrated on not attacking the water, just relaxing and trying to keep an even pace.

My husband always says he wants to retire on a golf course. Which is a little silly to talk about since he'll have to teach for like 25 more years, but I digress. When I got home on Saturday, I told him that I want to live on a lake. There was a guy sitting out on his deck, drinking coffee and I think watching us swim, and all I could think was, wouldn't it be great to be able to walk out on my dock and dive in?

It was just a perfect morning, not feeling like I had anything to prove, just slicing through the water. The water doesn't care how much I weigh. The water doesn't make anything jiggle or bounce. I just glide.

So now, I have to see if I can find that place of glide while surrounded by a hundred or two of my closest brand new friends. Trial one, August 1, Troutdale, Oregon. We'll see how I do.

Getting it into gear- hopefully not neutral.

I'm feeling awful that it's been so long since I've updated, but life gets in the way. My son turned six, and possibly into the devil, not only hitting & kicking friends at his daycare, but telling me that if I "lose of of the extra chubby weight you'll be able to run faster." Thanks.

Of course, this is while the hubby is out of town. Does he travel for work often? Uh, no. Just this week. And next week. Unless I have a nervous breakdown.

So since I last blogged, I met a neighbor who is looking to do her first tri too, invited her to come swimming with our team, and met ANOTHER neighbor who swam with us. Pretty cool to meet some more people since we've lived here for 2.5 yrs. You can tell, we get out a lot. :)

I've also not worked out AT ALL since that Saturday swim. I of course blame my hubby being out of town, but I think it's also a lack of motivation. SO I've decided that I've spent 2 months training, and I'm ready to start taking this show on the road. I'm 99% sure that I'm signing up for the Portland All-Women's try a try (shorter swim) event on 8/1 and the Lake Sammamish tri on 8/29. It's also a 1/4 mile swim, so it gets me one step closer to my BIG event on Sept. 20.

Two other little baby steps forward in the last 10 days. I was surprised by how much water comes out of my rental men's 2XU suit when I take it off (AND how it's not that hard to get on & off) Saturday I went to Triumph Multisport to try on a ladies wetsuit- a Blue Seventy Reaction WXLA sleeveless suit. AND IT FIT! I won't be able to get it used, but I'm going to call them & have them order. I'm very excited, since I'm less likely to shrink out of this as soon.

Baby step #2- I actually miss working out. I was hoping to take breaks from work to fit it in and it hasn't happened. Or to take the little man to daycare and do 1st thing in the AM. I'm looking at that plan for tomorrow, but I also met the parent of a teenager who lives down the street... might look at having her hang out @ my house for an hour while I work out.

I don't enjoy the working out while I'm doing it, but I miss how I feel after. When I come back in the house, when I get off my bike, when I get out of the pool, I feel taller. I want to get that back. Got to check the lap times at the pool for tomorrow.

The Heart of the Matter

So what I SHOULD be doing right now is going to bed, but on nights when I work out, I tend to not be tired right away. What this means is I should likely workout in the AM, but this is hard to convince myself when the alarm goes off.

I'm trying to get myself psyched up to sign up for an additional "try a tri" event in the next couple of weeks. DH is about to be in Oly for a summer job (he's a teacher) for 2 wks, so it would take some feats of crazy organization to get my work outs in, but if I DON'T sign up, then I may not bother to work out. I know my laziness. We've hung out for years... we're good friends.

One of the questions I've been asked, is what on EARTH made you decide to do this?

I think I mentioned this a couple of months ago, but I learned this fall that I have a congenital heart condition. It's called a bicuspid aortic valve, and is complicated by an enlarged aorta. What this means is that my valve between my heart & my aorta has two of its little leaflets stuck together, and so it does not work as efficiently as one with the normal three leaflets. My body, amazing machine that it is, has made my aorta bigger in order to compensate.

In my head, I know that what my cardiologist tells me is that this is not that big of a deal. After all, if this is congenital, I've had it all of my life. I walked 60 miles in 3 days with this heart. I gave birth naturally with this heart. It's been doing its job for the last 35.5 years, and will likely keep doing said job for the next 40.

Emotionally, it's not so simple. I was 34 years old, and have a cardiologist. Since when your aorta decides to stretch out a little, just like a balloon that is blown up, it's not as strong, my doc told me that the only restriction is that I shouldn't lift more than 40 lbs. This week my baby turns 6. With the growth spurt he's been on, I'd say he's got to be at least 48 lbs. He's asking me not to lift my child.

But there is NOTHING that I can do. Other than avoiding stress (I LIVE on stress- it's my happy place) and not picking up my baby (like THAT is going to happen) I'm just supposed to get an echo cardiogram once a year to see if any thing's changing.

I'm not someone who deals well with things being out of my control. But my weight has gone up, and I have been having a hard time making it stop. As I may have mentioned... I don't so much enjoy exercise. AT ALL. But once I make a decision to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm a hard worker, but I need a goal, a light at the end of the tunnel.

So that is why, this weekend, I should have been doing a triathlon. To be honest, I was really glad to have some time off, and get to rest and relax with my boys. But after slacking all week, I need to kick it back into gear.

Tonight I swam, tomorrow night I will wun, and Wednesday... well, that's my baby's special day, so we will see.

Working for the Weekend

Had a good workout tonight- it was a warm night and there were a LOT more people out at Seward Park. Are you people really Northwesteners? We don't let a little rain (last week) get in the way of a swim... you're going to be jumping in the WATER for goodness sake!

Anyhow- I need to start pushing myself a little harder, but that's something I know, not feel as the race is still 11 wks away. Our coach asked if I'm doing another event- that's not currently the plan, but I'm considering one in August in Wenatchee. My biggest worry there is that there will be a) men, and b) a lot of people who take this WAY more seriously than I do. I mean, I'm serious, but I'm serious about getting to the end, not about beating anyone, you know?

So some kind of random musings tonight, and then I won't post for a couple of days since my hubby & I are going out of town for a belated anniv present to each other (yes, any time I've been frustrated this week, I'm thinking Seaweed/Coffee wrap, Massage, Facial over & over & over) but I've got thinks that I've thunk.

Tonight was a swim- 1/4 or 1/2 mile (the 1/4 was for us poky girls) and then 30 min wun. This is where I should be pushing myself, but I'm working with goals like, not panicking, and not rolling onto my back like a bloated turtle when said panic happens. Tonight- goal reached- no rolling on back. Should have been swimming faster, but I also need to remember that my goals are just as valid as the girls who were way the heck ahead.

Same with wunning. Wunning is OK. I ended up chatting and not pushing myself as hard as I could, so there was way more walk than anything else, BUT I noticed when I went for a walk w/ a friend to grab lunch at work- I didn't get as winded coming back up the hill. Small steps.

My final story is from last Sat, but I totally forgot to share it last blog. The 2nd time I did my mini-tri, I only had one moment of panic. I saw a white thing moving under the water out of the corner of my eye and thought "WHAT THE F WAS THAT? IS IT SOME DEAD THING?" I went with the Dory philosophy (from Finding Nemo for those of you w/ out kids) "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and figured out a few strokes later what it was that I saw. IT WAS MY OWN PALE ARM! So then I had to try not to choke on water laughing at myself in the middle of a lake, realizing I just freaked out seeing my own appendage out of the corner of my eye. I'm such a dork. But at least I accept & can laugh at my dorkiness. :)

Maxi Triathlete

This weekend was amazingly busy, but in a good way. It's hard to imagine that I was supposed to be doing a triathlon this coming weekend, but I'm still trying to stick with the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy.

The BIG thing this weekend is that we did our first practice "super sprint" mini tris at Beaver Lake. I think it was like 500 yard swim, 3.5 mile bike & 1.5 mile wun.

First time I got in the water, my first thought was, "HOW THE HELL DID I DO THIS WITH OUT A WETSUIT LAST WEEKEND??" So we scared off some guys that were fishing at the park (one of them actually had a fish- so I know they are in there) jumped in the water, and were off. The swim was OK- I hung back a little bit, and rolled onto my back to calm down and breathe two or three times.

The wetsuit wasn't as tough to get off as I thought it would be (still thinking that sleeveless was a good choice), and I was feeling warm enough to leave off my arm warmers. I slipped on my race belt skirt to cover what felt like my nakedness in my tri suit (yeah, covers more than a bathing suit, but feels thin) and was off.

The ride was OK, but I did get a little cold. We were in a hilly area, with lots of trees, and I was also having some problems shifting. I think I need to get my shifter adjusted, since I seem to be able to giggle it into gear, but who wants to do that in a race, even if I'm not in that big of a hurry.

By the time I got back from the ride, there were several ladies back from their run, so my coaches had me just go out for 3 min, and back for 3 min. Getting off my bike, my butt felt like rubber. I think a lot of it was being chilly, but it really felt like when I actually started to wun like my chub should slough off. Like I really was wearing a fat suit.

The second time we went out, I was feeling more confident. I didn't roll over a single time on the swim, and actually got back right as the first runner was coming in for my bike ride. So this time, I decided I was going the distance on the wun. I ended up walking, but I didn't slow and I didn't stop. I also saw a little deer right at the turn around having a snack.

It was as I was on my way back in that second time that it occurred to me. I have jumped in the water, ripped off a wetsuit, jumped on a bike, come back & dumped the helmet, and the wan. I'm officially a triathlete! Maybe not a competitive triathlete yet, but a triathlete nonetheless. It was a mini tri, but I didn't feel OK about calling myself a mini ANYTHING. :)

On the wardrobe front, the wetsuit went great, the tri suit was very comfortable, and the race belt covered my rear, which was my mail point. It rides up a little, but between now and Sept 20, I'm thinking I can shrink the waistline at least enough to make that work. All in all, I felt great, and I MIGHT be able to do it this weekend, but I'm really happy to have more time to get better. :)

Dance, and Shout! Shake your body down to the ground!

OK- there's my MJ shout out. What I can I say, I grew up in the 80s. The man's music had an impact on my life, and as I've heard many others say, many of his songs are a part of the soundtrack of my childhood. And as they always said on American Bandstand- It's got a great beat, and you can dance to it!

So the passing of someone who was so much, but sadly could have been so much more has been weighing heavily on my world in the last 24 hours, as well as some crazy busy-ness at work. BUT I still managed to get my work outs in! Today I dedicate to how I made excuses, but still got my rear in gear anyway.

Wednesday night was the open swim in Lake Washington. Since we had a big announcement in the morning, I had a lot of last min questions that I had to answer before I could get out the door. And I work in Bellevue, 30 min from Seattle on a good day. Wed there was a Mariners home game. This does NOT make for a good traffic day.

Despite the fact that I left the office 30 min before the work out was supposed to start, and I KNEW I wasn't going to make it, I kept going. I called my mom to chat while I was on the road so that I didn't get REALLY grumpy, and having changed into my swimsuit under sweats @ work, put glide on my lower legs at stoplights.

It took me an hour to get to the park, and I was pretty sure I saw my team way the heck out in the water when I got there, so I pulled on the rental wetsuit that came in on Tue & waited until they came back. One of the coaches hung out with me so that I at least got part of the work out in, and despite the rain that threatened and the fact that Lk WA is COLD COLD COLD, it was a pleasant swim. Still getting over the panic attacks, but I know I'll get there. Oh, and did I mention that the smaller of the 2 suits worked just fine? WOO HOO!

Yesterday was supposed to be 45 min on a bike. My plan was to get up @ 6a when my work thing was happening, send a few e-mails for it and then go do my bike ride before I went to work. Wrinkle #1 came when I woke up at 2am & couldn't get back to sleep until after 3a. So then #2 I was EXHAUSTED when I finally got up, #3 my kiddo woke up early & was cuddly, and #4 work took longer than I really wanted it to. Needless to say with all of the wrinkliness, I didn't get it in.

Work was insane all day, and by the time I got home, all I wanted to do was collapse. Instead, made Ground Beef Stroganoff for my boys, got the little man into his PJs and read a little Despereaux, and went to the gym. It's funny that I seem to have a harder time getting my heart rate to spike there, but it occurred to me about 35 min in that there's actually a lot more pedaling involved at the gym. I don't do it all the time, but I think it's nice to mix things up when it's getting dark out so I can read to my kid on a tough day.

Today is a rest day. I got my outfit in, still screwing up my courage to take a pic & post it here. I may do Pilates DVD tonight since my Race Belt Skirt is a little tighter than I'd like... therefore I need to whittle the middle.

Tomorrow is our 1st practice mini tri. Exciting, scary, and I think I'm ready.

Too much to say, too little time

I tend to think of all sorts of things that I want to say here as I'm working out, and then it takes me days to actually have time to write. So I'll just take a few min to let you know a few of the things I've been ruminating on, as well as w/o progress, and hopefully will have more time tonight. Not holding my breath.

Sunday was supposed to be a bike/run brick. When the thunderstorm started as I was starting out, I took that as a sign that I needed to spend Father's Day with my boys.

Monday was a swim- pool is a LOT busier now that school is out. There were some boys making fun of an older woman (not that she could her them, but I could) who, uh, didn't have a bathing suit physique. I managed to not give them a lecture, but reminds me how important it is to teach MY son right & wrong.

Tuesday night rode my bike. Did some laps in my neighborhood because I noticed my tire was low when I was about a 1.5 miles out & didn't want to tempt fate. Neighbor (over a block away who I've never met) saw me come by and said, "oh it's you again" which reminds me that I need to wear my Trek Training shirt more so that people know what the heck I'm doing. Yes, there IS a reason the chubby chick is riding past your house over & over, and it's NOT stalking.

Today we've got an open water swim (this time in Lake Washington- brr) and luckily my wetsuits came in, so I won't freeze anything off. I'm very excited to try them out, but as I tweeted yesterday, will have to work to get on right. I think what they sent are Men's, which kind of sucks. Most of my team looks kind of hot in their little wetsuits. I look like I'm getting ready to put on a Santa suit over it. It squishes my belly up, and my chest down so much I look like a man with a potbelly & moobs. It's REALLY hard to make me look like a man with my K cups, so I think I may need to do a little more looking into big WOMEN's suits. I've been avoiding going to a store for fear they will laugh at me, but I need to give over it or be content with uni-gut. Will let y'all know how they work in the water after tonight.

The other thing I learned today, I CAN NOT just go out an wun (tired of typing walk/run since I am trying, but in my 'hood's hills, there is very little running going on) with out eating or drinking anything 1st thing in the AM. DH is a teacher, so he's now home in the AM so I can do my w/o 1st thing, and we are supposed to both swim AND run today, so I thought I'd try to get up early & knock out the wunning early this AM. First his stupid alarm went off @ 5a. I was planning to go out at 6:30a. It was still DARK for goodness sakes! Anyway, kept hitting snooze and didn't bother to eat or drink- just went out. Was supposed to be by distance- 3.5 miles. I TOTALLY hit a wall at 2 miles. Got to 2.5 (my loop is 1/2 mile) and decided that it was a lesson learned, and hit the showers. Will try the 45 min bike ride tomorrow... but this time with SNACKS!

Finally, for anyone who decides to do something crazy like this, I highly recommend signing up to do it with a team. When I did the Breast Cancer 3 Day in 2001, I was working nights (when most teams train) and couldn't find anyone I already know to do it with me. (Like now, everyone I know thought I was nuts- but people did after I did!) So I trained all by myself, didn't know my tent mate at all, and met some random people on the trail (no idea how many people I taught the lyrics to "I will survive" to along the way- LOTS) but none of them became friends. It was all a transitional contact.

This time, I've got a team of AMAZING women who have taught me so much, encourage me, and make me push myself harder every time I'm with them. Each of us have our own story and challenges, but we all support each other, and I think I'm going to have to make some plans to go cheer for a few of them in races that I'm not participating in next month... :)

So ladies, if you read this THANK YOU! Could I do it with out you? Probably. But I am glad that I didn't decide to. You make me want to be better, and inspire me every day.

"C" Athlete

I get a lot of philosophical thinking in while I'm doing my workouts. Haven't yet decided if that's a good or bad thing.

I realized as I was swimming, the only one with out a wetsuit, I thought back a little bit about my academic & athletic career. I was never a 4.0 student. Not because I couldn't be, but because I could be a 3.5-3.7 student without any effort.

So I think that has carried over a lot into my athletic career (or lack there of). I couldn't be even a B athlete with out effort, so I didn't really try. It's not exactly a proud realization, but I think it's an important one.

In this case, it carries over into an important lesson. I need to go make coffee cake for Father's Day, so I think that much of this discussion will wait for another time, but I'm frustrated that I've only lost a couple of pounds. I am starting to see some body differences, but considering the extra baggage I'm carrying, I'd love to not have to carry all of the extra weight through the course. But that would take more effort than I've been putting in. I need to do more cardio than just the min training time. I need to figure out nutrition that's more than just refueling, but for weight loss as well.

So back to the swim yesterday... once I got IN the water and acclimated, it went OK. I had a panic attack starting out again, but I think I need to not ATTACK the water, and give myself permission to ease in to it. So starting out I couldn't catch my breath enough to get my face in the water, and once your lungs seize like that, it's really hard to get back on track. I'm going to be asking my Dr for an inhaler, to be ready before I go in the water, but I also think that spending more time in the open water will be important.

Since I was the only one with out a wetsuit, I wore fins. Felt like cheating a little, but knowing that the other ladies had help floating I justified it in my head. I wasn't the slowest swimmer, but I stopped and floated more, so I still took as much time as the slowest. Considering swimming is likely to be my best sport (as long as I don't panic in the big crowds) I need to be pushing myself harder. I keep giving myself these excuses, and I need to stop. I may not be an elite triathlete like our coaches, but I can do better than I am.

With more than four months of training, I'm no longer shooting to just finish. I don't need a GOOD time, but if I'm going to push myself that little bit harder, it's not just finishing, or as my goal has been lately, not stopping, but finishing in a way that will make me proud.

If I do what I need to- Sally Edwards will not be the only one finishing after me.

An Unearned Day Off

Fridays are rest days, and despite the fact that I took Tuesday (kind of) and Wednesday as a rest day... here I am, resting.

I'm realizing that I'm going to do this more than I should... "Gee, the Tri is 3 months away! I can miss a day..." To some extent, that is true. If it were in 2 weeks, I would be a little freaked out, and I don't know that I would have been ready. I would have done it, but I may not have been ready. I KNOW that I will be ready September 20.

Other random developments this week: As I tweeted earlier, ordered a rental wetsuit from wetsuitrental.com. They are actually here in the Seattle area, and the guy I talked to on the phone was really nice. They are sending me a couple (2XL john & 3XL full) to try, and I'm sending one back as soon as I try them on. Unfortunately they don't SELL the 3XL because they are so hard to come by, so if I want to buy a used one from them, I have to hope I like the sleeveless.

I've also started telling more people about my blog, figuring that if I'm going to encourage someone to start this who wasn't thinking about it, I need people reading the blog. For people to read the blog, I need people to KNOW about the blog. So I have to step a little out of my comfort zone. As I sit here typing, I realize that I haven't even told my hubby about it... and he's usually in the room when I'm writing. He thinks I'm working. Obviously I work in the evenings once the kid is in bed a little too much.

So tomorrow morning is a lake swim with no wetsuit. Should be FREAKING cold. Thinking I'll wear my bra AND bathing suit, although two underwires doesn't sound great. I may rethink that once I get them on in the morning. This will be my first open water swim in a gazillion years, and I'm almost as nervous that I'll have a panic attack as I am about the swim itself. thinking fins are a good idea. Listening to it pour outside, I'm wondering if this is a good idea at all, but Beaver Lake is small, so RELATIVELY warm, and I'm going to be there with a team. Too bad you can't ACTUALLY freeze your ass off. Then I'd be all set!

Brrr... no thanks!

I bagged on training again today, but I had an even better reason, woke up with a sore throat that didn't get better and today was our 1st open water swim, and I don't have a wetsuit. After yesterday's post, a commenter made the very good point that I can always re-sell my suit, so I'm thinking I'll make a call to a place that does rentals tomorrow to see what they carry in pre-padded size. Won't have it in time for Saturday's swim, but hopefully would be in for next week's swim & then practice tri.

So something that a lot of people have asked me. What is my favorite of the three events?

That's harder to answer than I'd think. When I was a kid, I spent summers in Alaska visiting my dad, and spent as much time as possible in Big Lake (near the recently famous town of Wasilla). I didn't stand up on the jet ski or try waterskiing, I would just put on a life jacket and swim around for hours.

Also in my youth, I had a friend who lived a few miles away, and I would ride my bike to her house in Goldcrest, and then we'd ride a few more miles to Capital Mall... we'd even ride downtown sometimes, usually getting a ride back up the hill to West Oly.

Anyhow, I (slightly) digress. Swimming and riding both have terrific childhood associations for me. Running, not so much. As I mentioned before, I've never been an athlete. I was talked into playing basketball in 7th & 8th grade by the bike-riding friend, Melissa, and our other friend Jen. But I had problems with heat exhaustion, and all together not loving the running. I'm ok with walking, even walking quickly (hell, I'm 5'8" and all leg, when I get going, my husband almost runs to keep up) but I HATE running.

That said, I'm starting to understand how it is people can love it... maybe there was a moment when others loved running as a kid? Maybe they can breathe and don't have sore knees when they get done?

So the answer to, what is my favorite event? Swimming. Or Biking, depending on which one I'm doing at the time, and how hard it feels while I'm doing it. The only thing that will redeem the running? It's at the end, so it's the only way I'll get across the finish line.

And once I'm done, give Sally Edwards a high five, and collapse on the ground for a couple of min, I'm sure I feel like a kid again. At least until I take my son to his very 1st flag football practice that afternoon!

Wardrobe Malfunction in the Making?

I admit it, I'm bagging out on training again today. This is the one thing I need to worry most about with the Tri moving to 10/22, thinking, "Aww, it's 3 months off, I can skip a day..." However, I have been careful to make sure that I'm only doing this when I have a) no childcare or b) other exercise so that I can mentally justify my slackerness. Today it was three hours trying to keep up with Kindergarteners at the zoo.

So today I'm going to focus on something that continues to weigh heavy on my mind (get it- weigh heavy tee-hee) what on EARTH am I going to wear for this thing?

Tomorrow is our 1st open water swim, and I think I'm the only one who doesn't have a wetsuit. Let's be real, it's my 1st tri. Do I really want to spend that kind of $$ on something I may only use once? And if I do another tri- I'm hoping to need a significantly smaller size, right?

But in other wardrobe areas- where do I want to go? I was all excited about the fact that my butt only hurt for the 1st 5 min or so of my "run" on Saturday since I tried to go with out something padded (I think I mentioned, can't run in my bike skort... it rolls down as I go) since they don't make "tri shorts" in super big booty size, and I don't think I want to run in padded shorts anyway. My coach suggested a gel seat cover, and unpadded shorts. I'm looking in to this now.

So beyond that controversy... what am I going to wear on top? Should I bite the bullet and get a bike top that's big enough, and therefore long enough for me to keep me from developing a sunburn tramp stamp on my lower back? I really like the idea of getting out of the water and and slipping on a dress... but do I need to pockets? And does anyone MAKE the dress in a XXXL? Let's face it, even as I lose some flab on the bottom, the girls are hard pressed to fit in even that size...

So there's my musings for today. Picked up a Champion C9 skort in XXL at Target today, but the shorts have a 1" inseam... so I'll have to break out the body glide if I'm to make that work... at least as I sit here typing it's riding up, not down. Will report back once I take it out for a spin.

Can Somebody Check My Back...

... I can't seem to find the zipper to this fat suit!

I was working from home today, sitting in my fav spot with my laptop on my lap when I noticed that I have ROCK HARD quads. Not sure about any other muscles, but I think there's some pretty decent muscle tone under this padding...

I really think that the swimming, biking, running, and CLOTHES SHOPPING would be easier if it would just magically disappear.

This would not make me an athlete, but would sure as hell make it easier to pretend that I play one on TV. Crap, I'm never on TV, even on accident anymore... play on in my not so secret blog life?

Didn't swim yesterday after Pilates kicked my booty- was PLANNING to swim AND run/walk (I refuse to call what I do running) but when I got to the pool I noticed that the track that is next to the pool (Issaquah Middle School) is not open as I thought it would be. POOP!

So I did more swimming than was on the schedule to make up for it. I did a 1/2 mile in less than 30 min, not really trying to go fast, just trying to keep going. Usually I have long rests. Not tonight. I still used fins, but since I'm still working on breathing and form, I'm not going to beat myself up there.

So the everything happens for a reason moment was as I was about to leave. This woman who I saw doing laps when I was there last week saw me wearing my Trek Training shirt that I meant to go run in. She asked if I was training, and I told her about it moving to Sept. She has done several triathlons, LOVES it, and the only reason she didn't sign up for the Trek was that she's out of town July5. She's going to sign up, and she was super excited.

So I'm part of my way to my goal of getting someone to try something crazy... she's just already done it before so she doesn't really count as getting 100% there.

Tomorrow is a bike ride- after a TON of walking on a field trip to the zoo. Wed is our 1st open water swim. I do not have a wetsuit (DO NOT want to buy one this size!) so this could get interesting!

Courage and the Casual Athlete

I know, it's hard to think of a triathlon as "casual" but I'm not a pro, or even a competitive athlete.

So during Wednesday's group workout, I started to think about the courage it takes to do something like this. I hear from my friends that they are proud or impressed. When I sign up for something like this or the three day, it doesn't usually occur to me that this is a big deal until I'm already pretty committed.

Wed we were at Redmond High, a track workout, and there were some kids taking graduation pics on the field while we (ok I) huffed and puffed around. So many of the ladies on my team seem like they have SOME type of athletic background.

That would not be me. I was the kid who would rather read a book than play outside (still am) and the only time I was involved in sports was as a basketball player in 7th & 8th grade. So I'm trying to set my son up in a different way. I don't over program his life, but he's almost always got SOME physical activity scheduled. I want it to be the norm for him.

For people who start athletic, it doesn't take the same type of resolve to keep going. My son is small, one of the youngest in his grade, and has my klutz gene. For him, the courage will come when he doesn't do well, or if other kids give him the hard time.

For me, it's sticking with it. I was REALLY self concious Wed, and again on our Bike/Run brick today. I've never really liked for people to look at me. I kept feeling like people are thinking "Why is that fat chick on a bike?" or "Is that fat chick trying to run?" I like to wear my "Trek" training shirt so that people can see I have a purpose, but I tend to feel not good
enough to be out there.

That's when I decided that what I'm doing now takes more than just some stubborn. It takes a decent amount of courage. It's not that hard to resolve to start. It's not even that hard to get going. I'm always so excited to start something new, full of promise and energy.

The hard part is to keep going. There are days I don't want to train. But the only person I'm cheating is the me that's going to be dragging my butt over the finish line. But when your legs are sore and your knees are weak, there is courage in picking a spot on the track and saying, "I will run to there," then getting to that spot and saying, "you know what- I can keep going to there." There is no shame in walking, but there IS shame in never trying to push your limits.

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world

Yes, I've had "Don't Stop Believing" stuck in my head for days. I blame Glee, and Bedtime Stories, which we watched with my son about the time it started...

Tonight was a swim. Swimming is deceptively tiring. I did the whole length of what I'll do for the tri, a half of a mile in about 40 min, and felt like I could keep going forever. Unfortunately, I felt much more that way with my practice fins on.

The good news is that I didn't have to stop and float on my back at all. I at least made it to the wall before I took a short rest.

The bad news? I think I swim much more slowly when I'm not training with my team.

Since I'm going to do a little more outreach to recruit people to my little blog here, just want to explain my purpose again. Part of what I want to do is a social networking experiment, to see if I can get attention to the effort. But my MAIN point here is to prove to myself, and anyone else who is interested, that I can do this.

My stated goal is to get ONE woman who didn't think that she could do something like a tri to go for it. But to get to that goal, I'll need to know what YOU think? What keeps you from giving it a try?

Waist- >2 in, Hip > 1.5 in, Chest- SAME

WTF. First, I spent 40 min writing a lovely blog about the wonderful community that I'm meeting as I train for this tri... and then it got lost.

Now, I measure and yes, losing in waist & hips, but NOT AT ALL in the chest. If I get down a bra size & don't get down a cup size, I'm going to be TICKED. But this blog is not all about my boobs... I digress.

So I have a BUNCH of workouts to catch up on here, but I'll just hit the highlights.

Last Wed: Wed & Sat are our group days- and last week was pretty hot. We did a bike/run brick, and our very first transitions. I learned two important things.

1) My bike Skort doesn't work for running. Slips down @ the waist when I try. Not a good look. Now considering taking a skort, putting bike shorts on UNDER, and then taking that layer off at transitions. Saves the butt from pain and saves the world from seeing the butt...

2) My teammates are amazing people. I'm still the slowest, by far. I was about 2/3 of the way through the bike ride, passing the whole team just before I hit the 1/2 way turn around. So when I heard one of my teammates come up behind me, I was confused. She came back for me so that I wouldn't have to ride alone. I managed to not start crying until we finished the ride and I was transitioning to run.

Saturday: We went to Coleman Pool- I learned that chlorinated salt water is NASTY, I LOVE using fins to practice, and that I need a map of the park before I go next time. I also learned not to follow the coach's boyfriend straight up what seemed like 500 stairs.

Sunday: Pilates getting better. Instructor didn't work me to fatigue, but I still bailed on running since I was pretty beat.

Today: Miscalculated the time to get home uphill, so I went long, but still OK. My butt feels fine. Best it's been after a ride yet. This means one of two things, either I've figured out how to sit, or I'm growing immune.

Tomorrow is a swim, Wed is a team track run. The BEST thing I noticed after the horrible stairs on Sat? I may get winded super easily, but I'm recovering faster. It's good to know that I'm getting somewhere with cardio health. Maybe sometime I'll even be able to run... NAH!

The Swish Swish Song

Ok, so it's not a song, but I discovered last night why I NEED to have music when I walk/run. So that I don't have to listen to the sound of my chub rub swishing as I moved.

I took the dog with me for the first time, and it amazed me that I could hear his nails click on the sidewalk over the sound.

It amazed me I could hear my breath wheeze when I was trying to push my heart rate over the sound.

It seemed so loud, I half expected people to come out of their houses to yell, "What the hell is that Swish Swish sound??"

Needless to say, next run/walk will involve music. And since it's my 1st brick tomorrow with the team (we're doing a bike/run set) it will not involve the dog.

Had to miss another day today- more meetings for DH until after dark/too late for the gym. Considering getting out my Pilates DVD just so that I don't feel like a total waste, but it's REALLY hot (for a Seattle girl) so it's hard to convince myself to move. Perhaps once DH falls asleep- I can make him take the dog so that he doesn't try to lick me while I work out. (Dog, not husband. That would be awkward.)

Will update after tomorrow's brick if I can run in my bike Skort with out feeling like I'm wearing a diaper or having to pull it up the whole time. Fingers are crossed.

New Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

Ok, it's been WAY longer than I meant for it to be since the last time I wrote. In the interim, I took three days off of training while DH was out of town and I couldn't figure out how to get in while the kiddo was alseep, had my 1st day back @ pilates since i started training & remembered OTHER muscles that get sore, and the tri moved 2 months.

What is that you say, it moved? Yes, it moved. Someone at the City of Seattle finally looked at staffing and a calendar, and realized they don't have the resources to do this kind of event on July 5th. Duh.

So now it has moved to September 20th. ON the plus side, since I'm so amazingly slow, I have more time to start training. On the down side... I have to spend more time training. My team is working on some modifications & some of the ladies are going to find another event to do over the summer, but I REALLY feel like a women's only event is the best thing for me for my 1st time, and let's face it, I could use the extra practice.

I'm also going to bite the bullet & mention this random blog to my FB friends, hoping to stop hijacking their pages with the current status of my butt hurting, so for those of you who are now checking out my ramblings, welcome.

This will now be at least a 4 1/2 month blog effort, and for anyone who wants to join me in training or on the tri now that we've got more time... the more the merrier!

Getting behind

This weekend was great- the boys came with me for both a bike and swim w/o. Bellevue City pool is really nice. Not sure why we weren't expecting that.

The new bra came in, and it's awesome. It's not only big enough, but it also keeps me from bouncing. It's slightly pathetic how happy that makes me.

Wore my skirtsports.com skort for the bike ride w/ the boys. Like it, but found 2 problems. 1) I need a longer top if I don't want to show off my lower back. 2) It's not tight at the waist, which is nice, but I think it may not stay up for the run. Again, might be solved w/ the right top, but I need to get that figured out.

Got new shoes too, Brooks Outlet is a beautiful thing. Haven't run in them yet, so I'll have to see how they do, but old ones are a couple of years old, so that could explain Saturday shin splints.

To the getting behind part- DH is out of town for work (which is very rare) yesterday through tomorrow. No idea how I'm getting w/o in. Yesterday I just didn't. I'm working while the kid is @ school, and I don't feel right about leaving a 5 year old home alone, even when he's asleep & I'm just doing laps in the neighborhood. So even though tonight is supposed to be a bike w/o again, I may do the "jog around inside the house" thing again. We'll see.

Catching Up

Will keep this short b/c the boys are on their way home & the sunshine beckons.

Swim went well on Wed- I am not a bad swimmer. Evidently I am not a great breather. This is bad when you are trying to stay afloat/alive, but getting better each time I go.

Yesterday I did a ride with my padded bike skort. Butt doesn't hurt today, so I'm much happier. Today is supposed to be a day off, but I'm a little stressed about the 3 days DH is out fo town next week, so I may at least do Pilates tape.

The other exciting note- new sports bra came in the mail. If it actually fits/works, I may start a new fansite just for Linda the Bra Lady, even though she's in NYC & I'm in Seattle.

I'm also going all nuts and going to promote my little bloggie on FB. Considering I'm sharing more of myself in ways I'm not sure I'm ready for, we'll see how that goes. Then again, if I make one person belive they can (because trust me, if I can ANYONE can) do just that little bit more, I'll overshare all over the place!

Making Do

So today DH is still not home, and it's still raining. So knowing that he won't get home until after the gym closes, I did what I could jogging inside the house, and when I was supposed to me in my heart rate Z3, I treated the bottom step as a work out step. Not ideal, but it works.

Next week will be tougher, DH will be taking his team to state in Yakima, so I will have 3 days I can't get away from the house w/out my son. I'm thinking I may try to work from home and take a bike brake or "run" break. Waist is still -1 inch... so I can't give up now.

Only problem could be some extra work at my job... we'll see how it goes. Sports bra isn't here yet. It's kind of sad how much I'm looking forward to that. People always tell me I need an Enell... but they don't come in big CUP SIZES. I could get one that's big enough around, and then I'd go falling out the bottom. Gee, that sounds useful.

My swimsuit for training is GREAT. I got it here: http://www.lindasonline.com/panache-sw0315-sorrento-concealed-tankini-top-black.html
Won't be able to run in it, but it's terrific for training, support and comfort and it FITS. For bottoms I bought some plus size boy style swim shorts at Target. SUPER comfy, and if I don't end up in Tri shorts, I can wear them under a wetsuit (if I find a wetsuit that fits!) and then under my skort if I wear that. It's sad how much I worry about the wardrobe, but I think that it's got a lot of stuff to do w/ the size of my, hell, everything.

The thing I've got to remember that it's just about doing it, no one gives a shit how I look. :)

Guilty

I did what I could of the weight workout today (they ask for a big foam roll- who on earth just has one of those around??) but didn't get my 40 min in on my bike. In my defense my husband got home after dark, but if I left the second he got here, I could have at least ridden the bike at the gym. I just would have had 15 min to leave here & get there. But really, that's an excuse. I should have gone. Tomorrow may be dark & raining that late again, so perhaps I skip the hated run & do bike. Or I do elliptical & REALLY kick my own butt.

Instead I made cookies for the team my husband coaches. They have have a match that may qualify them for state tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

The brightest athletic part of my day was getting in my new skort from www.skirtsports.com It's an XXL and I think it will work, although I got a bike one, so I wouldn't swim in it. A little tight in the thigh, but that will get better, right? I took new measurements & lost an inch each in my waist & hip (and gained on in my bust- stupid ridiculous boobs!) but I don't buy it. I'll wait until Thursday to measure again to be accurate. :)

Wonderful (Water) Weekend

This weekend, I rode my bike 5 miles, swam for the first time in I have NO CLUE how long, and walked/jogged 2.5 miles. Oh, and chaparoned a Prom, got a spray tan... and didn't do any laundry.

The bike ride was good, although having a fairly heavy 15 year old mountian bike does make me feel at a disadvantage, but I know what I'm doing.

Swimming started a little scary. I jumped in the deep end, tried to just start swimming, and promptly had a panic attack. Luckily I remembered to tread water and then roll onto my back until I could calm down. I need to spend some of my water time working on breathing, since my lung power evidently sucks (meaning I suck in water) and I can not take as many strokes as I would like before I breathe, and I need to figure out how to not breathe in water, but I feel like I CAN do it. That was my biggest worry, that I'd been out of the water too long, but I spent so much time doing recreational swimming and taking some lessons as a child, it actually came back to me.

So no I know, I WILL be able to so this. Trek Tri here I come!

Rest Day

Fridays are my official rest day. Not that I need it yet, but by the end of next week I will.

I'm very excited that I was able to order a 38K sports bra. Will have to update if it works when it gets here. I also found a swim top that comes in my size, both at LindaTheBraLady.com. They've got some cute bikini tops, but my belly is still in hiding. Can't imagine only one triathlon is going to change that, but with that and my Sunday AM Pilates sessions... a girl can dream, right?

So for rest day, they had out team watch an inspirational thingy with a woman's pics of her 1st tri, and I started to wonder, do people actually run in swim suits? I was thinking that I would just pretend like my sports bra is a bikini top (no one will care about the belly that early in the morning with much hotter women around, right?) and wear my tankini boy cut bottoms. But perhaps I'll need something one piece too? I've spent way too much time worrying about gear for this, but it keeps me from worrying that I will actually be able to do this.

Tomorrow we have bike training, checking the heart rate limits again. Sunday is swimming. I think I will feel a little stronger about all of this once I've been in a pool. I'm not sure how long it has been since I've swum laps... but I don't think 20 years is a major stretch.

It seems like most of the people who sign up for these things have been an althlete of some sort in the past. Me, I quit after playing JV basketball in 7th & 8th grade. Even then I didn't love the exercise, I was there for the fun. But I was not great, and I have a bad streak to my competitive spirit that I don't like to play if I don't think I can win.

If I had a stupid slim-fast instead of my usual coffee & breakfast cookie this AM... Coffee ice cream now is not that big of a deal when I've got to be in Redmond for an 8a workout tomorrow, right?

48-43-53 and 192

So I don't remember what the song was that my friends & I used to sing in HS, but there was a line with the measurements, 38-28-38. At the time, that was me. Since I refuse to weigh my self again, and I think that the world likes to see numbers, there are the measurements I'm working with now. 48-43-53. I'll try those again weekly and see if I get anything new.

When I did the 3 day, I was working a night shift, and was not able to find any friends to sign up to do it with me. This time, I have NO time, and need to make sure that someone can help me be accountable for the training. I have no desire to train, but I DO have a desire to both be prepared and finish. SO for Mother's Day, my hubby gave me a team through: http://www.heartzones.com/coaching/

Yesterday was our first group training. Most of the first few (we will meet on Wed & Sat) and we did some testing to see what our max heart rate is. Mine is 192. Evidently it will stay there, but I will hopefully be able to move my rear end faster while my heart rate doesn't increase as quickly.

Anyhow- it was POURING rain. Yes, I live in Seattle, boo-hoo, but still, who's idea was this again? I didn't have a waterproof jacket (guess how easy it is to find a running performance type jacket that zips over the girls?) so by the time I cooled off from the exertion, I was FREEZING when I got home. But it felt good that I did it. I was last, but I finished.

Today I was supposed to ride my bike and do weights. I think I'm going to use my pilates tape to make up for the weights in general, since I'm not supposed to lift over 40 lbs at all (yes, my son is about 45, yes, I break that daily) and I always feel like a MORON at the gym. Not sure who made the rule that you have to be in shape BEFORE you go to the gym, but you know what I'm talking about.

I've never really liked to have people look at me. Confused the hell out of people that my degree is in broadcast journalism, but there you go. So going a place where I get stared at is never fun. We'll see if having people cheering for me at the end helps me or makes me self-conscious.

Getting Started

I think that the best way for me to kick this off is to explain why I've decided to blog this experience.
I don't really see myself as an inspiration. Yes, I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life, and I've decided to do a triathlon. But that's not about other people right? Despite jobs where I could get a lot of attention (I spent a LONG time in TV news behind the scenes), I've never wanted a spotlight. So why would I write a blog in which I will likely share TMI, and is all about me?

The reason came this week. I've NEVER been a small person. I'm 5'8" and even when I was going thru some fights with eating disorders in HS & college, I was never under 150 once I hit my full height. Add that to my rediculious chest (we'll put it this way, I was a 34 F when I got pregnant, and am a 38 K now) and I have a hard time finding clothes to work out in. So I went to a local running place that was supposed to carry "Skirt Sports" stuff, and was hoping to see how their sizes run, and maybe get a stride check since I need another pair of shoes. I was uncomfortable to start, but I felt like I got a "why are YOU here (looking at work out clothes) vibe" that made me think, you know, enough is enough.

How is someone who is big supposed to get smaller if they can find anything to wear that the don't feel like a moron in? Do you have ANY idea how hard it is for me to find a sports bra? Is there anyone on earth who needs a sports bra more than a woman with big boobs? No. So does that mean they are easy to find? Of course not.

Anyhow, I digress. After this experiance left such a bad taste in my mouth, I had two diferent people tell me that I'm an inspiration, for deciding to just go for it. I took a similar tack when I did the Breast Cancer 3-day BEFORE I had my son. Everyone seemed to think I was crazy and I could never do it. I'm a little stubborn, and had to prove them wrong.

It's not really about the weight for me as much as being healthy. I learned I have a heart condition last year that SHOULDN'T be a big deal but having approx 100 extra pounds of padding to carry around can't help. So now even though I HATE exercise (don't mind lifting weights... the one restriction my cardiologist gave me) I'm doing it because I want to be around to meet my 5 year old son's grandkids. If I do a better job taking care of my self I don't think that's too much to ask.

So who am I? I'll talk a little about myself because it's easier, but I would rather you think that I could be you. I'm the woman who swore she would never be a "fat mom" until one day I looked in the mirror and thought, "Well, shit. I AM a fat mom."
My basics:

• I'm 35, and live near Seattle (I grew up in the area as well)
• Beyond being a full time mom (because it's NOT a part time job) I'm also a full time PR professional
• I've been married for 12 years, and have been with my husband since the first weekend of college, 17 years ago
• I love to bake (MAJOR sweet tooth) and I love to read
• I DO NOT LIKE TO WORK OUT
• I have not been swimming or ridden my bike regularly in at least 10 years
• I am doing the Seattle Trek Women's Triathlon on July 5th, 2009

There's more to me, but I think that covers what you need to know. Welcome to my journey. I'm expecting it to be quite a ride!